February 26th, 2005
Memo To Eager Jimmy
1,964 words for part one? I think you might have some editing ahead of you, my friend.
Posted by fad at 4:17pm
Unfortunate Age
Damn. The Trashcan Sinatras are coming back to the States again in May, once again completely avoiding the St. Louis area. And me with no money this time.
Posted by fad at 4:01pm
Still Haven't Recovered
As we all know, the most perfect and powerful expression of love is to wear a vial of your significant other's blood around your neck. That not even this was strong enough to hold Billy Bob and Angelina together is just more proof that love is a lie and cannot exist. Despite this knowledge, some are trying to create a new, even more powerful symbol.But one willing couple in the UK is about to get the chance, thanks to a government-funded project intended to promote awareness of the issues surrounding tissue engineering.Which of course opens things up for comments that the most perfect expression of love is a bone, but, either way, unless it is powerful enough to being Billy Bob and Angelina back together, it is a wasted effort. Love remains a lie.
[...]
During that procedure, an extra sliver of bone can be sliced from the jaw to yield bone cells. These cells will be grown on a ring-shaped scaffold structure, which will slowly dissolve as the cells colonise it.
The rough bone circles will then be given to the designers, who will consult with the couple and shape the bone into customised rings. Each partner will give the other the ring grown from their cells.
Posted by fad at 2:33pm
While Trying To Decide
1. What’s your favorite kind of cookie?Sugar cookies my grandma used to make.
2. Who is America’s most overrated actor?
All of them. But, to pick one, Julia Roberts.
3. Name a guilty pleasure.
Being the raccoon God.
4. “Scrubs” or “Everybody Loves Raymond”?
Scrubs. 'Tis one of my favorite shows.
5. Name two things you can’t live without.
Raccoon worship. Mt. Dew.
6. Your first pet’s name + your mother’s maiden name = your porn star name.
I listed this elsewhere -- and will regret publicizing it here I'm sure -- but here it is: Heinie Schultz.
7. What song are you listening to right now?
Railroad Man -- Eels
8. Name your celebrity crush
Mr. Tom Petty.
9. Favorite punchline from a joke.
"Fuck you, clown!"
10. Who do you want to pass this meme off to?
Mr. Tom Petty.
(Finally pushed over the edge using Victory Soap)
Posted by fad at 11:30am
February 25th, 2005
Once Again, A God
The raccoons are leaving sacrifices to me outside my door.
Posted by fad at 8:46pm
Done
Ok, the poll is closed with the Nos having. Thank you very much for helping.And with that, I think I'd best stop.
Posted by fad at 6:10pm
Nasty Crap
Break out your e-meters and clear out your thetans, John Travolta is here with your beer.Pulp Fiction star John Travolta has become the latest celebrity to take on promotional duties for Dutch brewer Heineken."Heineken: It'll make more than just your pee Clear." Thank God I already hate that stuff.
Posted by fad at 5:22pm
Pieces
Amazing that any of it survived.A small heap of paper that survived the fiery disintegration of space shuttle Columbia, a 38-mile fall to Earth and two months of exposure to rain and sun in a Texas field has been painstakingly restored by forensic scientists, yielding the flight diary and notes of Israeli astronaut Ilan Ramon.The notes have been returned to Ramon's widow.
[...]
All together, 18 pages handwritten in Hebrew were recovered: Four sheets held Ramon's diary during the flight; six were technical classroom notes that had been made before launch; and eight were personal notes, also written before liftoff.
Posted by fad at 5:15pm
Quick Poll
Yes or No?UPDATE: You only have until about 6pm Central to vote! As of this update at 5:29pm the Nos have it 2 to 1.
UPDATE: Poll is closed. Thanks for participating.
Posted by fad at 3:40pm
Not To Mention The Tax Bucks Used To Design And Make 'Em
Another round of capitalist symbols of cultural destruction, rape, genocide, murder, environmental destruction and general US mopery is being released.Sixty-seven years after the government minted its last buffalo nickel, the symbol of the American West is returning to the five-cent piece.Not only are they celebrating one of humanity's greatest criminal periods, but they are doing so by using a working piece of the blood system that continues to do the same the world over: money.
The United States Mint has shipped 97 million of the new coins to the Federal Reserve's 12 regional banks, and they will start distributing the coins to local banks on Monday.
Posted by fad at 2:13pm
We Swears
Cussin'!An entertainment ratings company has actually counted all the curses in each one of the best picture nominees. "The Aviator" has 125 of them. "Sideways" is next with 118, followed by 95 in "Ray," 53 in "Million Dollar Baby" and only four in "Finding Neverland." Characters in "Sideways" say the F-word the most. They drop the F-bomb 70 times.Fucking right it did. Every good movie needs some fucking hell-ass, damn good, shitfucking swear words.
And, in case you ever want to win a bar bet, the all-time cursing record for a best picture winner is "Platoon," with 337 swear words.
Posted by fad at 1:46pm
Victory Over Oppression
Sharon Stone finally gets her wish after being thwarted by George Bush and all you Jesus freaks from making Catwoman the greatest movie of the century.Sharon Stone says her character will have a bisexual relationship in the upcoming film "Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction."Take that, Jesus!
"There is lesbian love," Stone said in an interview on the syndicated entertainment TV show "Access Hollywood," which aired Thursday. "We're testing for her now."
Posted by fad at 1:40pm
Taters
Ah, This is what I was looking for yesterday to go with this post. Warning: has sound; is stupid.
Posted by fad at 1:16pm
Death Is All. My Pale Face Fears The Scorching Sun. Death&Death
Here are a couple highlights of the wacky new toys upon the toy horizon. The wacky one, that is.Serpentina is part of the Bleeding Edge collection of 12-inch Glam Goth Dolls, all dressed like trashy vampires, retailing for $24 each. Her friend Storm O. Misery offers this tip on meditation: "I sit in the middle of an electrical storm and channel my dead pets."Another, Willow P. Banshee, comes with a dead sparrow representing the decay in the world. Each comes with a collection of poems about pain.
Meet Puddles and Ca-Ca and Poo-P, three of the newest potty-training assistants. They're mascots from the Strugglez product line to help your kid graduate from diapers by transforming your toilet into a bunny, giraffe or puppy dog.Or it will teach your child to soil himself everytime he sees a bunny, giraffe or puppy. Either that or piss on the dog.
Each $20 potty pal comes with an animal head that fits over the toilet tank, complete with floppy ears, a smiling face, bushy tail.
Posted by fad at 12:37pm
Well Played, If Obvious
I'm sick of all the crap about the Yankees and Red Sox and the whole northeast fandom in general, but good swipes must be acknowledged.Could the sports arena in downtown Boston, smack in the middle of Red Sox Nation, would be named after one of the hated New York Yankees?How they couldn't see something like this happening is the mystery.
[...]
The winning bid for Tuesday's naming rights was made by a New York attorney. Kerry Konrad bid $2,300 on eBay. He wants the arena to be known as Derek Jeter Center, in honor of the Yankees' captain and shortstop.
Posted by fad at 12:00pm
Wipe Pause Wipe
A salute to the man who invented intermitent windshield wipers.Robert Kearns, the inventor of intermittent windshield wipers, has died of cancer, according to family members. He was 77.Unfortunately (not including his health problems) this gift to the world gave him great struggles.
In 1967, Kearns patented the intermittent wipers he invented. He demonstrated the system to Ford Motor Co., which introduced cars with intermittent wipers in 1978. Other automakers soon followed.Still, we salute you for the stolen use of your work.
Kearns filed a patent infringement lawsuit against Ford and collected $10 million in 1990. Five years later, the U.S. Supreme Court let Kearns collect around $21 million from Chrysler Corp. for using his design.
Kearns, who was acting as his own lawyer, was disappointed because the court didn't bar the company from continuing to use the wipers. He called the decision "a travesty" and left the money uncollected for years. Much of his money went back into other lawsuits against General Motors Corp. and around 20 other automakers.
Posted by fad at 10:58am
A Promise To Not Make Up My Mind Ramble
Last year I posted continually during the Oscars™©â. It was somewhat fun, and passed the time away nicely. I was thinking about doing the same this year, but realized I care even less than normal. And "normal" is just "making fun of everyone to make my sad little life seem a little less worse". Besides, how many times can one person go on about the long ago change from "the winner is..." to "the Oscar™©â goes to.."? As in, "We're all equals here, except Slappy gets the trinket."One change I think I read about is that for some awards all the nominees will be on stage as the envelope is opened. I say if they're going to do that, go full pageant style. Each nominee has to wear a sash with their movie's name on it. Plus we announce a first runner up so they can feel that much more bitter about being so close and the others can feel that much worse at being so far. Add in some nice smile weeping and hugging, and we're set.
Posted by fad at 10:28am
Protest Tonight
An attack on the purity of beer is an attack on us all.A German court has upheld a brewer's challenge to the country's centuries-old beer purity laws.It shouldn't be called anything short of Bastard Drippings from a Whore!
The ruling means Helmut Fritsche's Klosterbrauerei Neuzelle brewery can continue adding sugar syrup to its dark brew and still call it "beer".
Posted by fad at 7:24am
Free Speech For Candy
Another branch of the meta group People With Too Much Time On Their Hands fights evil.Animal rights activists are disgusted by a new candy from Kraft Foods Inc. that's shaped like critters run over by cars - complete with tire treads.Yeah, but you're sending the message to kids that it's ok to be a whiny little bitch. And that's the wrong message. So let's just call it even.
[...]
"It sends the wrong message to children, that it's OK to harm animals. And that's the wrong message, especially from a so-called wholesome corporation like Kraft," said society spokesman Matthew Stanton.
"If you look across the Gummi category we certainly have many products that are offbeat, and that's what we were doing in this case," Baumann said. "We didn't mean to offend anyone."You don't have to mean it; people just find things to be offended about. In fact, about the only time they will excuse something offensive is if that was the actual intent.
Posted by fad at 7:16am
I Am So Sorry
R.I.P, Pip.
Posted by fad at 7:10am
'Pass Me A Piece Of Co-Pilot'
Yes, but were there teeth marks on them?One of 16 survivors of a 1972 Andes plane crash made famous by a book and movie has gotten his wallet and jacket back 32 years after leaving them in the mountain snows.You mean all these years he's been walking around without his wallet? That must have been tough.
[...]
A Mexican hiker chanced upon the items just yards from the site where the plane went down.
Posted by fad at 6:38am
February 24th, 2005
It's Not Like There's A War Going On Or Anything
Everyone relax! Earlier today we read that the lie of love, established with the breakup of Billy Bob and Angelina, was proven again when Christian Slater announced his divorce, however Jennifer Lopez admitted that she is married. This means we are back to a celebrity marital equilibrium. You may return to your homes. You may put the chipmunks down. Most of all, please, please stop shaving your heads and buying Nikes.
Posted by fad at 4:46pm
FAAA--AAAAAD!
Fuck yeah!!!
Posted by fad at 4:39pm
Reasonable Reaction
America, you have just been slapped in the face. Are you just going to stand there and take it?For the first time in more than a generation, the mustang - the very symbol of the American West - can be slaughtered for horsemeat.Which is a bit different from the image of wanton, unregulated slaughter the activists try to paint. But still, a slap in the face it is, America. How do we know?
[...]
It allows for the sale for slaughter of some older and unwanted horses that are captured during the periodic government roundups aimed at reducing the wild population
The move has brought a powerful backlash from activists, who want to reinstate full protection for the mustangs.Well, because they told us it is. And I don't know about you, but my face is still stinging.
"It is really a slap in the face to the American people,"
Posted by fad at 2:07pm
Ahhhht
Oooo! I cannot wait until this is performed here!But Britain will have to wait until next month to find out if it is ready for Diana the Princess, a "ballet of today" that tells her doomed story to the somewhat unlikely strains of Sir Edward Elgar and The Cure.Hey! At least put a spoiler alert on that sort of information. Now I won't be able to enjoy the surprises as I mentally and spiritually claw at the depths of meaning.
[...]
In the ballet Diana dances romantically with Dodi al-Fayed. Another theme is the Queen and Prince Philip frequently turning their backs on her.
And at one point Prince Charles dances a pas de deux with Camilla Parker Bowles to Love Song, by the Cure.Fabulous. Sounds like something I saw once on a local access channel put on by high school kids.
Posted by fad at 1:40pm
Ouch
Huh. So crap like this really does happen in the non TV world.Doctors have partially restored the sight of an 81-year-old Buddhist monk who accidentally glued his eyes shut when he mistook a tube of superglue for eye drops.That has to be even worse than chopping up and handling a bunch of serrano chilis, and then deciding now is a fine time to put in your contacts.
Posted by fad at 12:34pm
Hobbies
See? They could have put those penguins in diapers. Well, they'd have to let them out a bit, but I still think it would work.
Posted by fad at 10:16am
Provided Many 'That Explains It' Jokes
Quick! Everybody check your shadows! Danger could be alurkin'.Spring is almost here, and for many parents and children, it means back to the playground for some fun and fresh air. But danger could lurk in the shadows for children under age 15.See? Lurking!
The Brain Injury Association of America cites brain injury as one of the top 10 diagnoses stemming from playground accidents.When I was 3, I fell headfirst off the top of some monkeybars onto a sidewalk. My mom says I was "funny" the whole rest of the day.
Posted by fad at 7:34am
Once Again, The End Is Nigh
Wait a minute.... If Bush is promising to cover security expenses for the Olympics in 2012, that means he intends to still be in power! He is going to declare martial law and have himself crowned emperor! Oh, if only we had listened to the crazy screechings. They truly were the canaries of freedom, warning us of a rising level of empire gas in the great mine of justice.
Posted by fad at 7:20am
A Full Term After He's Out Of Office
The useful, uncorruptable, world bettering people from the International Olympic Committee were recently treated to the best New York has to offer.Later on Wednesday, the group was wooed by Meryl Streep, Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg and heard Wynton Marsalis play at a Jazz at Lincoln Centre performanceGarfunkel was believed to have been spotted bussing tables.
[...]
Next came dinner at Bloomberg's Upper East Side home with guests including Henry Kissinger, Matt Damon, Vera Wang and Christo and Jeanne-Claude, the artists behind the orange Central Park exhibit "The Gates."
The group was then treated to a performance by Paul Simon who played such old hits as "The Sound of Silence" and "The Boxer."
President George W Bush boosted New York's bid for the 2012 Olympics, sending a message of assurance to an International Olympic Commission group that the US government was prepared to help cover security costs - which soared above $1bn in Athens last year.Swell.
Posted by fad at 7:15am
Taters
Well, at least they can still boil 'em, mash 'em, stickem inna stew if they get hungry.Students are being tricked out of hundreds of pounds by conmen supposedly selling laptops which turn out to be very expensive potatoes.But any story about potatos reminds me of a couple years ago when Tim Blair was in town and, after a few rounds, was attempting to teach all of us how to say "pataayyytah" in his version of an Irish accent. So we sat there round the table just saying "patayyytah" over and over again for a few minutes.
[...]
They are shown a pc in a car boot, then a laptop case containing a bag of potatoes, is exchanged for up to £200.
Posted by fad at 6:23am
February 23rd, 2005
Crossover
PETA is right. This is wrong.Rap star P Diddy has angered animal rights activists after penguins were used as a party piece at an event he was hosting in the US.More importantly, they could have gotten fucking penguin shit in the pool. Not good times.
The animals were placed on a floating glass platform in a swimming pool at a hotel in South Beach, Florida.
[...]
"They're very sensitive to temperatures, so if it was as hot as we've heard, it's a wonder they didn't collapse," he said.
"In any case, they were likely terrified and at the very least it was a very bad idea,"
Posted by fad at 5:52pm
The End
Someone call ACLU and Norman Lear. Our civil liberties are at risk in activities that are not in line with the "American Way".At Mrs. Bush's personal request, they were also treated to a viewing of the famous Bibles printed by Gutenberg in 1455 with his moveable-type press, with their husbands in tow.Viewing a Bible on a state, tax funded visit. A Bible! I am fucking appalled. And so must have been the writer of this dispatch in order to construct a sentence like that.
Later, the women also were treated to a private organ concert of Johann Sebastian Bach pieces at Mainz's best-known site, its red sandstone Romanesque cathedral that dates from the 13th and 14th centuries.Shit me green....they then went to a fucking cathedral? That's it. The theocracy is here. Thanks, Germany. Thank you very fucking much.
Posted by fad at 3:47pm
Appropriate The Word Cardiff Is Involved
This is one of the greatest grant fishing stunts I've seen yet.Astronomers say they have discovered an object that appears to be an invisible galaxy made almost entirely of dark matter.Uh huh. Invisible galaxy. Gonna need lots of expensive study, I'll bet. With expensive invisible tools, probably. Nice picture, too.
The team, led by Cardiff University, claimed it is the first to be detected.
Posted by fad at 3:14pm
Almost As Bad As Fox
What use is the perfect crime if you can't brag about it a little?The phone call to a popular confessions show on WKSC-FM (103.5) could go down as one of the dumbest acts by a criminal in recent times, authorities said.The radio station turned over the phone number he called from. Which isn't surprising when you see this detail.
[...]
"D" gave specific details of a crime that went unsolved for five months, including that an employee had been in on it, that they tied up the bank workers, that those involved took money from the vault but avoided the dye packs and that they got off with $81,000.
[The] regional vice president for Clear Channel Communications, said the radio show typically heard confessions about people who cheat or "steal something from work."Clear Channel? That right-wing, corporate hater of free speech and civil liberties? No surprise they squealed.
"This was one that frankly surprised us,"
Posted by fad at 2:28pm
Denny's Fighting
The last couple of days have brought some record length search hits.how to create a massive brawl because of foul language at denny's
It's weird how sometimes you just want to know something for the sake of knowing it, even though it won't change anything.... it would just be good to know whether you were right or wrong in your estimation of things.
At least those are better than some fine person in Pakistan who hit here yesterday with: make raping girls scents in home
Posted by fad at 2:01pm
Yeehaw
Sorry. Busy preparing for my new job.
Posted by fad at 1:14pm
February 22nd, 2005
Say, How About A Cigar?
Don't mind if I do, post title. Don't mind if I do.
Posted by fad at 8:38pm
Mostly Linked For The Picture
This should be a cable channel all its own.Police have collared the latest in technology by kitting out their firearms dogs with cameras.Just imagine it, a bunch of dogs kitted out with cameras on their heads running around. Of course it would be mostly the view of other dogs butts, but still lots of potential fun.
The miniature television camera and radio transmitter can be fitted on a lightweight head harness on Northumbria Police's highly-trained dogs' heads.
Posted by fad at 5:16pm
I Will Spare You The Other Reaction
"Starburst was brightest flash on record"I once ate a whole, huge bag (well, huge to a 9 year old) of Starbursts in a day. Came down with some sort of hives soon afterwards. Probably unrelated, but it was as if they were trying to leech back out of my skin.
Posted by fad at 4:56pm
Lifetime's Greatest Actress
There's a One Day at a Time reunion tonight, and nobody told me until now? Really, people, you're slipping. Remember, you can be replaced. Now all the preperations are going to be rushed. I hope I don't forget anything.
Posted by fad at 3:11pm
Toilet Death Seems Most Appropriate For Those Types
This news will drive certain people (like, perhaps, the young man featured in this fine story) nuts.The Orthodox Union, the most recognized certifier of kosher products in the country, has endorsed Triaminic cough syrup, making it the first mainstream over-the-counter medication the union has deemed acceptable under the dietary laws of Orthodox Judaism.Gives me a giggle that some anti-Semitic shitbrain will buy some Triaminic someday to help his cough. Then, casually perusing the label to pass the time whilst shitting one day, see the OU on there and drop dead that he was fooled into paying the dreaded "Jew tax".
Efforts to develop a kosher Maalox are in the preliminary stages.
Posted by fad at 2:06pm
Bonus Points For Using 'Afire' In Headline
Being a misunderstood genius, I have sympathy for other misunderstood people, genius or not. That's just how damn generous I am.Testifying for the second day as a hostile witness for the defense, Mohamed Alanssi said he had not intended to kill himself, even though he sent suicide notes to the FBI and The Washington Post.But, I hope, he does understand why someone may have thought that.
"I did not have the intention but I wanted to put the government and the world on notice," Alanssi said.
Posted by fad at 11:54am
Laws Against Beating Up Old Ladies Will Be Next
Wait, so conspiring to assassinate the President is a crime now?A US citizen formerly detained in Saudi Arabia has been charged with conspiring to assassinate President Bush.I guress I really did wake up in ameriKKKa this morning. Better cancel this weekend's meetings.
[...]
The alleged conspirator told the court he had been tortured during his detention which began in June 2003.
Posted by fad at 10:33am
Foolish Thought Just Had
I need to start listing "Drifter" whenever asked for my occupation.
Posted by fad at 9:22am
Goals
I have found my mentor.[A man] called 911 early Monday and said he was having a heart attack, but when police and an ambulance arrived, he was outside the house with the chain saw running,Forget drinking myself to death in a shack in Montana; I'm going out like this.
[...]
About 10 state and local officers formed a semicircle around Henkle and ordered him to drop the chain saw, but he revved the saw and refused to put it down, Hill said.
Police said they used pepper spray, then fired when [he] lunged at [an officer].
Posted by fad at 9:07am
CSPI Crazies Not Labeled Crazy
"Adding nutrition info to menus considered"Sounds nice and voluntary. I have no problem if businesses decide to provide more information.
"If well-trained food professionals can't accurately estimate calorie content in a plate of food, you can be sure the average consumer is at a loss when looking at a menu," said Claudia Malloy of CSPI in Washington, D.CUh oh....the Center for Science in the Public Interest is involved. They're never involved unless it involves involving themselves in an involvement that means trying to use government to force us to change the way we live to line up with their We Know Best™ way. This is the group that finds that feeding a mouse 4 billion french fries in an hour makes it sick, so releases a report that french fries are going to kill everyone and call forth Cthulhu.
which co-sponsored the study and is lobbying to force restaurants to provide nutrition information on the foods they serve.Yup.
New Jersey is among a half-dozen states considering food labeling laws for restaurants.New Jersey: Home of the Stupid Consumer. Or at least where the government thinks you are.
I love how the headline makes it sound like adding nutrition information is a happy little thing being "considered". What's being considered is using the force of government, not some fluffy "we want to inform the consumer" thing. That is an issue with its own debate, but is quietly ignored as being an issue at all. Plus, with the CSPI involved, it's more "we want to force them to show people how wicked, bad and evil their products are so that they'll stop purchasing them." Also, knowing the CSPI, their eventual goal will be to push for a ban on selling a meal that exceeds certain nutritional levels outside their We Know Best™ levels. That'll be easier if all these businesses have already calculated nutrition information.
Posted by fad at 6:33am
Just For A Chance To Use The Phrase
Hey, sit down and be quiet. The prince is talking. Let's all have a listen.He told a Royal College of Physicians conference how car-focused cities affect rates of obesity, respiratory problems, asthma and heart disease.Sod off, Swampy.
"When we build badly, it doesn't only affect the health of the natural environment, it affects our own health as well," said the prince.
He urged that new buildings be seen as part of a "living language".
[...]
Instead we need to "look at the whole - the person, the street, the town and city and our natural inheritance - together".
Posted by fad at 6:10am
February 21st, 2005
Name It Warshington In Honor Of Those Who Can't Say Washington
More secessionist talk from the recent election.The Republican from Orient is the prime sponsor on a joint memorial in the Senate that asks President Bush to create a new state east of the Cascades that would comprise 20 of the current state's 39 counties. Nine other Republican senators have signed on in support. Similar measures have been introduced in past years without success.Ok, so it's just one of those every-few-years thing where the (typically) more rural part of a state dominated by one or sometimes two urban concentrations wants to be its own state. Someone in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan every few years rattles this around. If I remember correctly, in the mid or late 80s the very northern counties of California actually had a non-binding, informal referendum to leave CA. I'm sure it happens in other states. Great way to get your name in the paper.
"It's not sour grapes," Morton said. "It's common sense. People who think alike should be united."
Posted by fad at 4:46pm
Haven't Done This In A While
It didn't hit me until I read this. I had held it back until now, but here I am, bawling like a hobbit, barely able to type through the tears.Sculptors in London's Madame Tussaud's museum were forced to break up a waxwork figure of Hollywood superstars Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston embracing following their separation last month.Love was proven a lie when Billy Bob and Angelina were unable to make it work. I barely survived that. Why did it have to spit on me again with this? Oh, how can anyone live in a world so full of pain!
Posted by fad at 1:22pm
COD: Bad Humor
Remember, when you think you're being funny, likely you are not.Late Friday night [a man] saw his friend's car. He thought it would be funny to force that car off the road and bang on the vehicle. What he didn't realize was his friend, who is also a co-worker of his at the Cook County jail, was not driving that vehicle. It was his wife, who was in the car with her child.Same goes for when you think you're being clever.
His friend was around. He was just a few car lengths back. When he saw all of this, he thought his wife was being carjacked. An off-duty Cook County corrections officer thought he was protecting his wife and child. He ended up killing a friend who also worked at the Cook County jail.
Posted by fad at 12:33pm
Sneaky Suits
They made Ozzie fans angry. You wouldn't like them angry.In a lawsuit filed last week in Cook County Circuit Court, the Downstate man is demanding compensation for himself and anyone else who bought "remastered" versions of the Osbourne classics because the original drummer and bassist on the albums were replaced.What? Just suing? I expected more from Ozzie fans. Like a mass ant snort or gathering out front to drink several magnums of wine and then trying to speak or the tired, old but always fun mass bat biteoff.
The CDs, released in 2002, were marketed as crisp updates of the originals, with no mention that the sounds of bassist Bob Daisley and drummer Lee Kerslake were cut out and replaced by Robert Trujillo and Mike Bordin.
Posted by fad at 11:57am
Yelly
There must be some severe budget cuts at the BBC if that's the only picture of Goldie Hawn they could find for their story.
Posted by fad at 7:34am
A Misuse Of Term
I'd just like to say that all y'all who have today off from work for the holiday are jive suckahs.
Posted by fad at 6:43am
Improper Underuse Of Government
Once again the fundamentalist, neocon, left-behinders who have stolen away our government are seeking to kill people.Experts advising the government decided there is a real risk of heart damage from some of the most effective and popular prescription drugs to ease the pain chronic diseases such as arthritis.Informed individual decisions are unacceptable. It is the government's job to provide a completely risk-free life for all its chil...citizens.
But those federal advisers, after three days of meetings last week, said the drugs offer enough benefits to let a patient and his doctor decide on their use.
Posted by fad at 6:12am
Ph34r
Some of you may remember the reports a few months ago about the vaporized alcohol inhalers being pushed for clubs as a new spill-free, "diet" way to drink. I had some lame post about it, but I'm too lazy to look it up. Anyway, this device brings out the unfrozen caveman lawmaker in some here in Missouri and next door in Illinois.Missouri and Illinois lawmakers are trying to keep a new party toy from putting bar-hoppers here on the fast track to euphoria."I've never seen, nor understand these devices. Therefore they frighten me." They must be a plague causing damage to deserve all this legislative attention.
[...]
Legislators believe the machine - designed to produce an alcoholic buzz minus the carbohydrates, the calories or the hangover - is dangerous and should be banned before it enters the club scene in Illinois and Missouri.
"It's my fear that the machine will encourage underage consumption, and we don't know enough about the devices yet and their safety,"
But so far, the new machine that allows users to inhale vaporized booze doesn't seem to have made an appearance in either state.Even more reason to fear it!
[A] co-sponsor of the Illinois bill, said the "machines put people at risk by having the alcohol go directly to the blood vessels and the brain, because alcohol wasn't made to be consumed that way.""I find your actions unnatural. You know what we do to unnatural people 'round these parts, right? Well, let's just say it involves peanut butter, ants, being buried up to your neck and the will of God."
That was the gist of a New Jersey bar owner's complaint when he returned his vaporizer after having it just four days in October.Differing results. I would suspect that from them that the power of suggestion worked strongly in the second instance. They felt they should be getting drunk and loose from it so they did. One friend back in college got blitzed off a few glasses of water when told it was the smoothest vodka on earth. I would think the $10 a pop would do a good enough job controlling it's use.
"It's actually a big waste of breath," said [the] owner of [one bar.] "I've done shot after shot after shot after shot from that machine, and it absolutely does nothing for you. The only thing you're doing is sucking wind."
[...]
[Another bar] hooked up a machine for a night in December and charged people $10 a shot, said [...], a bartender at the nightclub. "It looked like a nitrous (oxide) party," [he said], who was worried that users might hop in their cars feeling drunk and still pass breath tests
Health experts say alcohol in the bloodstream, whether delivered in liquid or vaporized form, should result in the same breath test readings.Yeah, but, that's, like, science and stuff. The legislators are working on legislative sense, not commen sense.
[The] associate director of the Illinois Liquor Control Commission [...] said he gets the impression the machines have failed commercially and haven't appeared anywhere in Illinois.Time to nip this crisis in the bud, then. Because, as stated elsewhere in the article, it is for The Children™.
Posted by fad at 6:06am
February 20th, 2005
In Which I Apologize For The Previous Post
Sorry, that's what happens when I'm supposed to be typing something else, but am trying to avoid it.
Posted by fad at 3:00pm
Very Old Joke Buried On A Sunday
Shampoo is one of the most blighted symbols of the capitalist bourgeois system. First, it assigns an unnatural, false sense of "cleanliness" upon the masses, one that creates an artificial separation from the natural state, hence making it easier to make them ignore environmental rape. The bourgeois values of bathing waste precious water, remove the essential, natural oils that make us one with the rest of the earth and exist to drive the perpetuating capitalist fantasy of happiness through consumption. The enlightened know that a proper application of patchouli -- much like animals applying scents to themselves in the wild -- can last weeks at a time avoiding all need for bathing, but the system doesn't want you to know that. The system needs to drive the mass consciousness towards a never ending cycle of purchase and consumption to distract them from the destructive realities of the system.Through the mass hypnotics of media, the system convinces the sheeple that they need to bathe everyday, and that this includes washing the natural, beautiful clumpy stringiness out of their hair. The sheeple are so conditioned to obeying the commands of advertising, the siren song of the hegemonic hypnosis, that they rush to consume these products. Then, due to this conditioning, the subconscious control forces them to obey everything involved in the consumerist ritual. This includes the orders found on the packaging. We all know them, despite how free from the hegemonic lie we may think we are. They have been driven into us whether through advertising, bad comedians (who are used by the capitalists to perpetuate the lies by pointing them out, but cleverly making them appear harmless) or through parents who feed the lies they have swallowed to the next generation. They are, "Lather, rinse, repeat."
Repeat.
Repeat!
Is there a more obvious and sick consumerist command than that? "Here, we have fooled you into thinking you need this product continually. You will buy this knowing you will have to buy it again soon enough, but even more, we order you to use it twice as fast!" The consumptor, already believing the lie that they must have this product, is sold another one by the false size of the purchased product. The container may look like a good size, but it is in fact half the size that it appears to be. A truer telling of these "instructions" would be, "Swallow the lie, consume, repeat."
Continual consumption isn't the only damage done by shampoo. One needs just look at the shape of the bottles. They are pure phallic aggression made more so because they are to be used in a state when one is at their most vulnerable. Yes, the system, realizing this, has made efforts in the last years to soften these shapes with more vaginal ovals, but that is just another false compromise to keep the sheeple in obedience. The truth is, the less phallic the shapes become, the more phallic they are in reality.
So wake up! Wake up, everyone! Cast off the lie of society! Resist the artificial and return to the natural. Smash the system. We are the bathing resistance.
Posted by fad at 2:25pm
Time Too Soon
Today marks the 5th year since Uncle Bill died. Uncle Bill was the oldest of the brothers in my dad's family, and the most like their father. He looked like him down to that same hitch in his walk as Grandpa. Right hand in the pocket and a bit of a swing of the same leg. His brothers worshipped him, and he deserved it nearly as much as any person should. When he asked his brothers to help with something, they would always leap to be there for him. His brothers and sisters rarely had to ask him for help because he was usually already there.His heart had always given him problems. He suffered his first heart attack in his mid-30s while up on a ladder working on a house (he had a contracting business at the time). He fell off the ladder, called for help, then got back up on the ladder to keep working because, well, he wasn't going to just waste the time while waiting.
Later on, his health forced him out on disability, but he kept busy with model airplanes since he could no longer fly regular ones (legend is he married my aunt because she was the first girl he took flying who wasn't terrified or asked him to give up planes) and helping out family with whatever they needed.
One of these cases was his grandson. My cousin's relationship with this boy's mother has always been..interesting. For the first years of this kid's life, he was a terror. People would wince when they heard he was going to be along. Eventually my Uncle said he'd take the boy in during the days (and sometimes overnights too as necessary) and watch him. The kid was not happy at first, but within a couple years he was the sweetest, most polite kid you could hope for.
My favorite memories of my Uncle were the Christmases after I moved back to Washington. I would go there for dinner every year. After dinner and the kids had opened their presents, we would laze around. He would pour a couple Maker's Marks and ask me about the stupid things I'd done lately. See, I'm weird. I do stupid things because I guess I just try to be different or lazy or both. Most people are frustrated by these things; he thought they were hilarious. So I'd sit there and relate how I'd try to fix something and botched it horribly or whatever stupid thing I'd done lately, and he'd just laugh. This is why I try to have a glass of Maker's every Christmas night.
Five years ago he was recovering from yet another bypass. When I left the hospital he was fighting back with good prognosis. By the time I got home my mom called to tell me he was gone.
At the funeral, we heard from the many who had known him, worked with him, and been helped by him. More than a couple were given their first jobs by him when they were new immigrants, now they owned succesful businesses. He'd touched many lives far outside just our family, but, of course, it was family who missed him most.
As we were leaving my aunt's house, we saw his grandson staring out into the nearby parking lot where his grandpa would watch him ride his bike or race his remote control cars. As we were driving by, we saw him turn slowy, stuff his right hand into his pocket, and with a swing of his leg start back to the house with an unmistakable hitch in his gait.
Posted by fad at 7:48am