June 18th, 2004
Posted by fad at 5:02pm
I think everyone reading this site knows I'm no fan of Michael Moore, but I do find this campaign is foolish and wrong.
Move America Forward has begun a letter-writing campaign, while Citizens United is making TV and internet adverts which criticise Moore.I believe you make your point with the dollars, not by denying others the chance to make up their own mind what to do with theirs. Plus these campaigns always have a curiousity backlash.
[...]
"Since we are the customers of the American movie theatres it is important for us to speak up loudly and tell the industry executives that we don't want this misleading and grotesque movie being shown at our local cinema," the group said on its website, listing contact details for various US cinemas.
Having criticized that, I have a huge problem with the BBC's headline:
"US groups want Moore film banned"
Now someone feel free to correct me or point out that the British have a different idea of "banned", but to me "banned" means government action. It also means that no one is allowed to own or view it, period. These groups have no desire to see it "banned"; they're trying to pressure theaters away from showing it. There's a huge difference in my mind. One, "banning", is absolutely against free speech. The other is a misguided use of free speech. Citizen action without using the force of the state just doesn't rise to the level of "banning" in my mind.
Posted by fad at 4:30pm
This sounds like the worst efforts of a hack crime novel writer.
Detroit police Officer [name removed], 21, filed for a divorce a few weeks before he and his partner were gunned down during a traffic stop in February. But because the divorce was never completed, [she] stands to receive a $350,000 death benefit.Shot down at a traffic stop before divorce is final with $350,000 on the line. That shooting sounds more suspicious than normal.
The couple met when the officer responded to a call at the Crazy Horse, the Detroit club where she worked. They wed in December but separated after she told him she was a lesbian, the father said. [He] filed for divorce in January.Cop meets lesbian stripper at strip club. To be so frank I'm Francis, I'm shocked those two crazy kids couldn't make it work.
Posted by fad at 1:30pm
This show is begging for a parody.
U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy will host a monthly public affairs show on cable access stations across Massachusetts beginning next month.Yet another reason not to add to my nonexistent list of reasons I'm sad I don't live in Massachusetts.
Posted by fad at 12:52pm
Ok, I know this is supposed to generate sympathy by making us believe that he was contrite and served some sort of punishment.
Bill Clinton says in his new autobiography that his wife looked as if he had punched her in the gut when he finally confessed to his affair with Monica Lewinsky, and he slept on the couch for at least two months after that.But does anyone else have trouble believing that the President of the United States couldn't get a spare bed set up for him somewhere?
Posted by fad at 12:48pm
Apparently entering my dotage has robbed me of all ability to come up with posts, so I'll just steal this from Michele's.
1. Where were you when you heard that Ronald Reagan died?
At home. Loungin'.
2. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
Here in St. Louis. My alarm is set to KMOX here, so I was initially confused when they were talking about a tower being on fire as nothing in St. Louis that I knew of was or could be called a "tower".
3. Where were you when you heard that Princess Diana died?
Driving home from my work in the bustling town of Elkhorn, Wisconsin. The then Roe and Garry show was having a little sport, not with her death, but with the extreme reactions to it. People were so angry at them for mocking other people's grief as well as not acknowledging that the greatest, most beautifullest, kindest and wisest woman evah! had just been stolen from humanity. Men and women called in sobbing, demanding they remove themselves from the air for the sin of not contemplating suicide now that the sun could never rise again without Diana's spirit to lift it.
4. Do you remember where you were when you heard Kurt Cobain had died?
Just home from school. By that point it was, "so he finally got it right this time" moment.
5. Take one for The Gipper: What’s your favorite flavor of jelly bean?
Buttered popcorn. And that's the only one.
6. Where were you when Magic Johnson announced he was retiring from the NBA due to AIDS?
At home. There was some sort of teacher's conference or something that gave us a day off. My mom, knowing that I was a Laker hater, but still a huge basketball fan, actually called when she heard it on the radio. As a side note, that year we had that lame economics class in high school where one day the teacher brought in papers from 30 days ago, and we had to pick stocks to invest in. Then we checked that day's paper to see how we did. Since we knew condom stocks had exploded in the days after this announcement, and that the 30 day old paper was before this, we poured almost all our money into the manufacturer of Trojans. Our group "won" with the most profit.
7. Where were you when Reagan was shot?
Lessee, not even seven years old....I'm guessing sitting in first grade not understanding any of it.
8.Where were you when the Challenger exploded?
Don't know the moment, but when I found out, it was during lunch time recess. An 8th grader lived next door, so went home from lunch. He came back and told us it had blown up. Being kids, we didn't believe him so started making jokes about ships blowing up. Then we found out it was real and felt, well, rather bad.
9. Where were you when the 0J verdict was announced?
Between classes at my second university. A bunch of kids crowded around a TV in an alcove lounge in one of the buildings. Some kids cheered, other's tsk-tsked. I wasn't all that surprised. Went to my early modern English history class where the teacher only talked about the O.J. case and other celebrity gossip anyway (easily the worst history teacher I ever had. Thankfully I had covered most of that material in a class with the best teacher in my career).
This wasn't the fun idea I thought it might be.
Posted by fad at 12:36pm
Got rid of the post that was here after realizing some things probably shouldn't be said out loud. Thanks to everyone who had already wished me a happy birthday in the comments, though.
Yup, it's me 30th birthday, my Triple-X year (a joke made lamer by that recent Vin Diesel movie in which he plays the guy Vin Diesel always plays. His life story will be called "Vin Diesel -- Success Through Monotone").
Nothing special is planned beyond my usual balconey appearance so that my adoring throngs can bask in my glory and maybe feel a little reflected joy in their sad, small little lives. After a 30 goat sacrifice and cleansing by blood ritual, myself and some assorted guests will settle into a quiet evening of throwing darts at the servants and some cats. In other words, the usual.
Posted by fad at 8:48am
June 17th, 2004
International experts met Wednesday in Paris to tackle the tricky task of fighting anti-Semitic, racist and xenophobic propaganda on the InternetWell, if France and the EU -- sorry, being redundant again -- want it, it must be good.
[...]
A sticking point was whether the United States, which has championed nearly unfettered free speech, would line up with European countries that have banned racist or anti-Semitic speech in public.
U.S. Assistant Attorney General Dan Bryant acknowledged the American approach differs from that of other countries.I'm sure somewhere someone is going to use this stance as more proof of America's inherent racism.
"We believe that government efforts to regulate bias-motivated speech on the Internet are fundamentally mistaken," Bryant said. "At the same time, however, the United States has not stood and will not stand idly by, when individuals cross the line from protected speech to criminal conduct."
Posted by fad at 6:12pm
Driving across Missouri just lost some of its character.
Gov. Bob Holden on Thursday signed a bill banning sexually suggestive billboards that promote strip clubs and other adult businesses. The ban applies within one mile (1.6 kilometres) of Missouri highways.When you drive across the state, at least until now, the billboards were of 3 things. 1) Signs for strip clubs and porno shops (often next door to each other). 2) Signs telling you to let Jesus keep you away from that sweet, sweet porno. 3) Fireworks. The exception being as you approach Branson, you get an obvious 4th, signs with complex math problems.
Holden said the new law will also make the roads safer by reducing driver distractions.Guess I'll have to settle for my jiggling, nekkid chick hood ornament.
Posted by fad at 6:03pm
To the ladies:
Your equality is finally here.
Posted by fad at 5:49pm
Yay. Since it's already too late to stop it, might as well fuel the fire. This site is #1 on google for "university of colorado cunt".
Posted by fad at 1:19pm
Today's inane bumpersticker -- sorry, that's redundant -- is:
| Free Thinker |
| And I Vote! |
Behold, Tyrants, and tremble! Voting Free Thinker on the loose! I'm going to get a bumpersticker that reads, "Outside Box Thinker....And I Cook!" It's about as effective.
Now, being a bigot, I'm afraid I assumed that the driver of that car probably is actually pretty lockstep in an ideology. I'm bigottedly guessing one could name nearly every one of their positions after just three or so questions.
Posted by fad at 1:04pm
Coming soon to a reality show near you, Monkey Chase!
An injured monkey found its way into a high school in bustling downtown Hong Kong on Thursday, startling students and slipping back into the wild after a three-hour chase by officials, police and a news report said.See, they'll hide cameras in buildings around the country, schools, office buildings, malls, but not libraries because the ALA will bitch that it's a violation of civil rights and might piss off Castro or something. Then they'll drop a monkey (pronounced "minn-kee" in Clouseauese) and film the locals chasing it around. Being a monkey, it will always outsmart the humans and escape, but only after hours of fine, fine television have been taped.
Posted by fad at 12:02pm
I just got spam from Barry Goldwater for a Ronald Reagan silver dollar. The dead have risen and are shilling Republicans!
(Reagan was dead a whole two days before I started getting Reagan referencing spam)
Posted by fad at 11:32am
I've said it before, they may not be perfect ideas, but alcohol always gives the best ideas.
A blind man was charged with reckless conduct after he drove a golf cart through the city with help from an inebriated friend.The amazing thing is they made it over two miles.
Posted by fad at 11:02am
This guy must be thankful they were only kissing.
Passion turned to agony early Wednesday morning when a 43-year-old St. Paul woman locked in a kiss with her boyfriend bit off an inch and a half of the man's tongue, according to police.Gee, maybe. Wonder how she clued into that conclusion?
[...]
"I guess I bit down too hard," police said the woman told them after the incident.
The boyfriend told police that the couple had been arguing and were making up when he was bitten.Nothing like those break-up-to-make-up couples.
The woman, who had been drinking with her boyfriend, told police that she doesn't remember what happened to the end of his tongue.What a happy detail on which to end this.
Posted by fad at 7:51am
Sometimes that eye-for-an-eye stuff, in which your punishment is to have done to you what you did to another, sounds tempting.
A group of men set a homeless man ablaze as he slept in an attack captured on surveillance videotape.Damn Big Brother watching our every move. Can't even set a man on fire in peace anymore.
[...]
A surveillance videotape at Corpus Christi Metro Ministries showed a dark sport utility vehicle and a smaller vehicle pulling up to Wiser and setting him on fire.
Posted by fad at 7:50am
I won't name the book I'm reading because I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging about my reading habits, nor do I want to give the false impression that I sit around all day contemplating "litchrature". However, in this book, the author, through one of his side characters, goes through the 18th century version of the canon. He praises some, but for the most part trashes, with specific reasons, these works which were supposed to be eternally acknowledged as great. At the end of this, the main character is astonished because, as this translation puts it, he "had been brought up never to exercise his own judgement".
Upon reading that, my ego lept a little bit. Maybe, I thought, the reason I was "The Boy Who Did Not Understand" was not because I didn't understand, but because I had been taught not to exercise my own judgement. In this view, it's the books and poems' fault for sucking that is the problem, not me.
But then I thought about it some more and realized that was a lie. A nice lie, but still a lie. Looking back at the section, the author gave specific reasons why he didn't like certain works. I am not even capable of understanding anything in literature or poetry, so therefore am not able to judge yet whether I like something or not (with the exception of good-for-him-he's-already-dead bastard Dickens). Many people do confuse lack of understanding with dislike, but I believe that's a cop out.
So, for a while I thought I had a nice way to explain away my stupidity, but, sadly, I must admit that I remain a moron.
Posted by fad at 7:14am
Not to be flip about what recently happened to an American in the Middle East (no name to avoid search hits), but has anyone else noticed a rash of beheading crimes lately? Seems like there has been almost one a week over the last month or so (a previous case being the beheading of children in Maryland). As with many things sensational, I'm left wondering if this happens all too often and it is just being reported now, or if there really was just a freaky streak of these.
Posted by fad at 7:06am
I never liked the original Star Trek show. I tried watching a couple episodes, but found it, well, stupid. I did get into the "Next Generation" show, though, for the best and dumbest reason a man does anything: for a girl. A girl I had a crush on in high school liked the show, and I wanted a conversation starter. Didn't work. She, like every other girl, rejected me quite quickly. At least she managed to do so without saying, "Oh good God no!" like many others have. Someday I'll have to do a post about some of my favorite Patrick Stewart extreme Acting! moments.
Anyway, this is all brought up because scientists are breaking through to the other side on teleportation. It is a constitutional requirement to have a Star Trek discussion any time teleportation is brought up. I wouldn't want to have my patriotism questioned.
Experts say being able to do the same with massive particles like atoms could lead to new superfast computers.Fuck computers. Get back to me when I can transport a pizza or whores like in Logan's Run.
This development is a long way from the transporters used by Jean-Luc Picard and Captain Kirk in the famous Star Trek TV series.
When physicists talk about "teleportation", they are describing the transfer of "quantum states" between separate atoms.
Posted by fad at 7:00am
Sorry about yesterday. I made the mistake of breaking one of my rules and reading some of those sites that just remind me of what a fucking moron I am so that anytime I try to type something that's all I can think about. I think I'm ready to get back to the lame-ass, meaningless jokes about stupid news stories again.
Posted by fad at 6:40am
June 16th, 2004
Posted by fad at 9:40pm
Sorry, folks. Just can't do it today. Hopefully be back tomorrow.
Posted by fad at 8:42am
June 15th, 2004
Posted by fad at 10:42pm
You learn something new every day.
The president of the University of Colorado would not say in a sworn deposition whether she considered a certain slur against women "vile,"The word in question here is "cunt".
When asked if it could ever be used in a polite context, Hoffman replied, "Yes, I've actually heard it used as a term of endearment."A "term of endearment". I need to start using that around women. Then they'll be all over me. It gets better, here.
University spokeswoman Michele Ames said Hoffman knows the current use of the word has "negative connotations" but in its original use, centuries ago, it was not a negative.That is one hell of a tightrope dance she's doing there. I'm sure the accused football players were considering the long and varied history of the word. "Ah, c'mon, baby. It's a Chaucer word! What's your problem?"
"Because she is a medieval scholar, she is also aware of the long history of the word dating back to at least Chaucer," Ames said. Geoffrey Chaucer, one of the earliest English writers, lived in the late 1300s and used the word in "The Canterbury Tales."
Posted by fad at 4:50pm
Sucks to be in Trinidad these days. Hopefully Tobago is better off.
A labor dispute at one of the Caribbean's largest breweries has caused a shortage of a beloved beer, leaving bar owners struggling to satisfy customers thirsting for a Stag.I hope to God that isn't the same "beer" that goes by the name "Stag" 'round these here parts. I haven't tasted too many things more foul than that stuff. One suspects the drippings from Satan's workshirts tastes better.
Posted by fad at 3:46pm
One need not have a roof over one's head to be a hero.
If the rich and powerful can drink in a public park in the weeks before next year's Super Bowl, why can't the homeless do it now?Fight, on, good sirs. Fight on.
That's the question the attorney for three homeless men is raising in a court challenge over their arrest for drinking in a park that will be part of a designated party zone before next year's Super Bowl.
City Hall attorney Scott Makar said he believes McKinney's arguments will fail in court.FACSIST! FACSIST! FASCIST!
"Public drinking is not a fundamental right," he said.
The three homeless men could not be reached for comment Tuesday.Ok, that's just trying to be too clever.
Posted by fad at 2:05pm
"Mental Game Starts Early at Shinnecock"
Heh. Heh. "Shinnecock".
Posted by fad at 1:55pm
Here's today's desperate attempt to make science seem cool.
Scientists have developed what they claim is the mathematical formula for the perfect joke. The equation they have formulated, x = (fl + no) / pBoy, those scientists. Someone hide the lampshades. At least they got it right that puns are painful and should be destroyed and I should be allowed to ram my fist into the stomach of anyone who uses them.
[...]
A comedic value is determined by multiplying the funniness of the punch line (f) by the length of the buildup (l). This is added to the amount someone falls over (n) to the power of o -- the "ouch" factor of physical pain or social embarrassment. The total is then divided by the number of puns, which reduce laughter.
The formula has been developed by neuroscientist Helen Pilcher and a comedian as part of an event at the Science Museum in London that aims to prove that science can be funny.Some nerds didn't get enough punching, I'd say. Oh, and that's a scientist who developed the formula, not scientists as the article initially claims.
Posted by fad at 1:48pm
While they mention the ketchup/vegetable thingy, this isn't quite the same.
Batter-coated french fries are a fresh vegetable, according to the Agriculture Department, which has a federal judge's ruling to back it up.The absurdities required by these bureaucratic regulations.
But the department said Tuesday that the classification applies only to rules of commerce, not nutrition,
Frozen fries are fresh simply because they don't meet the standard necessary for them to be listed as processed, and adding batter to the fries does not change the classification, he said.When you start applying logic to these situations, it aaaaallllll makes sense.
The coating makes the fry crunchy and adds flavor, he said.Huh. Maybe I should give these fine -- now legally fresh -- products a try.
Posted by fad at 1:45pm
Apparently I'm participating in something called "demoball" this evening.
Posted by fad at 1:35pm
A few quick things:
Posted by fad at 1:29pm
This article, which uses a bit too much wrought at times, tells a sad tale of the evils of progress.
It's not quite time to toast the demise of the wine cork, but there are signs that it is steadily being replaced by a device that, for baby boomers, conjures memories of youthful dates with Annie Green Springs and Ripple: The screw top.Well, I hope they at least add a chip that plays that delightful "pop" sound to simulate cork leaving bottle.
Many experts say there's little reason to grieve. The aluminum screw tops now on the market (including the popular Stelvin closure made by the Pechiney Capsules company in France) keep wine longer and more consistently than most corks. You can now store your chardonnay upright and, when you forget to toss the corkscrew into the picnic basket, you won't have to punch through with a screwdriver. That's why quality wines are starting to show up on liquor store shelves with little metal hats.Um....who, if they are the type to forget to bring a corkscrew, would then have a screwdriver lying around? Even if they had said screwdriver, I can't imagine they'd think jabbing it through the cork would be a good idea. Then again, the author of this article may be speaking from experience. In that case, I fear him and his kind.
Posted by fad at 6:58am
June 14th, 2004
Toxic moonshine killed 13 Iranians and blinded five others in the southern city of Shiraz, state media reported on Saturday.Too much antifreeze, I'll bet. That's that hardest thing to balance out.
Posted by fad at 3:49pm
Were these in my state, I think I'd be a little embarrassed.
The state is posting billboards with messages such as "Isn't she a little young?" as part of a campaign to dissuade men from having sex with underage girls.Funny this story comes out the day after the Olsen twins hit 18. But no one should feel too smug. Once one state does something like this, the others need to Do! Something! too.
[...]
Messages such as "Isn't she a little young?" and "Sex with a minor, don't go there" also appear on posters, coasters and napkins in bars, restaurants and stores in five cities.
Posted by fad at 2:00pm
It's as near Christmas Eve in Spring/Summer as it gets around these parts. "These parts" being my brain and all that doth flow forth from it. Damn brain pus. Anyway, tomorrow is the great day on which I shall finally purchase my birthday present. What, you wonder, he's buying his own present? Damn skippy. I really dislike it when people buy gifts for me, outside the occasional drink or meal which I always try to make up soon, so tend to buy most of the things I want myself. It all goes to that hating myself thing and feeling really, really guilty when anyone wastes money on a shit like me. That's why you'll never see a Paypal of Amazon tipjar thingy here. This crap don't deserve money.
Simpsons seasons 4 and 5 have always been my favorites. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the show still, though I know it isn't this good anymore. I'm not one of those who cannot enjoy something just because it isn't at its super high point anymore. I would find it sad to live life never being able to enjoy something as it is, but instead constantly comparing it to something in the past. Yeah, it's not as good as it was, but it's still damn funny. This doesn't mean the show is above criticism, like what it deserved for that pathetically over-the-top crushing of dissent episode at the end of this last season, but also doesn't mean it deserves to be shitcanned because not every episode is as good as the monorail one.
So soon the precious will be mine (and it is still odd to refer to something as my or the "precious" and know that these days almost everyone gets the reference). It will be a restless sleep tonight, but come morning the union episode ("Now play 'Classical Gas'!"), Mr. Plow, Little Miss Springfield, Whacking Day and so many, many more of the reasons I still bother to live will be mine, all mine!
Posted by fad at 11:40am
I don't know if this even qualifies as a punt. Maybe a shanked punt or a long raga from Ravi Shankar. The Supreme Court threw out the "under God" pledge case because
[The father] does not have sufficient custody of the child to qualify as her legal representative, eight members of the court said.With which I agree, and always figured would be the out taken, but it just means we'll be back here again in a year or two.
Posted by fad at 9:40am
If not for the fact that the results are insecurity and danger for all, watching how as the world tries to prove how effective the UN can be proves intead how utterly ineffective it really is would provide me great absurdist amusement.
The meeting will likely be asked to accept some form of a tough draft resolution, written by France, Britain and Germany, urging Iran to halt operations of a plant inaugurated in March that processes uranium into gas. The draft also calls for aborting plans to build a heavy water reactor.When the UN gets tough, the tough just ignore them because they've proven they won't do anything unless there's a kickback involved. Also, the UN isn't really getting that tough.
[S]mall changes had been made to the draft on Friday - including the introduction of a "time element" that nonetheless falls short of imposing a deadline for Iran to come clean. It also left out a "trigger mechanism," wanted by the United StatesBut don't worry, we have all the time in the world.
ElBaradei suggested that a deadline was not necessary but urged Iran to clear up all open questions "in the next few months."Hopefully they can get a resolution ready before those discussions overlap with the arguments over the language condemning Iran over it's first nuclear detonation. That ought to provide even more months of fun. Will they go for the full, triple dog frowning of a lifetime, or will they temper it to just a look as if they smelled something stinky?
Posted by fad at 7:45am
I don't really follow the NBA much anymore, but as a kid it was my obsession. How much so? One of my friends and I would have discussions like "Excluding David Robinson and David Rivers, how many other 'Davids' are there in the league?" Because of the lingerings from this, I still check in, at least, on the finals each year (Though the games are nearly impossible to stomach. Mostly because they are televised events and not food). Add in that during my NBA obsession time, there was no team I hated more than the Lakers, despite the fact that I listened to every single game just to hear the late Chick Hearn paint the game to perfection. Many have a baseball announcer who helped soundtrack their youth, for me it was basketball and Hearn (so much so that his death a couple years ago actually hit me pretty hard).
That said, I am pretty pleased to see that those hated Lakers are down 3-1 in the finals. What's even more interesting is that it is to the Pistons. Last Friday, I had this conversation with a friend.
"I just realized what it means that the Pistons are in the Finals."
"Yeah, so?"
"Do you realize what that means if they win?"
"Oh shit....that city's gonna burn!"
Detroit invented the modern American championship riot. Before, there was milling about, some destruction, maybe an overturned car or two, but Detroit took it to a level of trying to raze the city. Sure, other towns put up a good championship riot here and there, but most, like Chicago in the 90s and LA these last few years, have become complacent. It's been 14 years since Detroit's last NBA championship, and no city, as it often tries to prove with "Devil's Night", likes a good razing like Detroit.
That city's gonna burn.
Posted by fad at 7:27am
June 13th, 2004
"What's this?!?"
"Uh...that's the water you ordered, ma'am."
"I know I ordered water, but I wanted a coke. Take this back!"
Posted by fad at 3:35pm