July 10th, 2004
A couple years ago, I was in one of the flagship places in this Lillywhitean Yuppietown. It's one of those places with high-end sounding (and priced) food stuffs that impresses a certain type of suburbanite and hipster merely by being from Europe. For lunch you can get all sorts of fancy wraps and other trendichow (not to be in judgment. If you like something; you like it). However, it is also the best and cheapest place I found around here for single malt scotch (hence why I can't really judge trendy/yuppie tastes).
This particular day was laundry day for me. I dress like shit normally -- as I say, you can't pretty up a shit pie, so why bother -- but this was extra scuzzy. Something good had happened, or I had a some extra money, so I went there to get a 17 year Bowmore. When up front, the cashier looked at the scotch, then looked at me, and then, almost as if speaking her thoughts aloud, said, "Oh! This must be a gift! Would you like me to wrap it for you?"
"Uh...no, actually it's for me, so you can just leave it as is."
At her slightly surprised look, I added, "Yeah, the money I save on clothes I spend on scotch."
Today, though, I got to enjoy some condescending from a Borders' employee. I'm wearing my sextuple XL, Stadium View Unathletic Department t-shirt from the Stadium View bar in Green Bay, WI. When I went to go pay, the cashier looked at the book I was buying, then at me a bit quizzically. She was even more confused when I asked if they had any more G.B. Shaw other than Pygmalion. Apparently her world didn't like this much.
Posted by fad at 1:13pm
Just saw a commercial for the new The Manchurian Candidate remake. Nice to see they replaced the commies with corporations. Hope they are at least clever enough to put "Manchurian" somewhere in the name of the corporation. Otherwise the title makes no sense.
Posted by fad at 12:57pm
July 9th, 2004
Posted by fad at 5:19pm
I mean, you have to admire his commitment.
A 12-year-old boy was cited with auto theft for the ninth time, after a police chase Thursday night.We can only assume he already knows what he wants to be when he grows up.
[...]
Chicago police records indicated that the boy had been arrested 8 times before for auto theft, starting when he was 9 years old.
Posted by fad at 4:08pm
Time really can heal all wounds.
Douglas Hamilton, a fifth-great-grandson of Hamilton, and Antonio Burr, a descendant of Burr's cousin, will re-enact the July, 11, 1804, duel that left Hamilton mortally wounded and a sitting vice president's reputation in the gutter.Well, time and beer. Or just beer. Once that starts flowing, time stops being an issue.
[...]
The re-enactment offers a chance to explore both men, and afterward "we can go have a beer together."
Posted by fad at 3:09pm
Oh, those wacky DJs. How mirthless our world would be without their idiot jokes and braying sidekicks.
A radio personality who wore a ski mask into a convenience store as part of an on-air prank has been charged with making a terrorist threat.I think in a case like that, every person in that store should have the right to one swing at the guy.
Posted by fad at 2:05pm
This search hit, from someone in France, is not something you want to see just before lunch. Or any time, for that matter.
acid poured on penis
Thanks, France!
Posted by fad at 1:09pm
The Bugmenot plugin for Mozilla/Firefox rocks.
Posted by fad at 11:44am
Dammit. My headphones broke.
Yes, you needed to know this. You may not understand why right now, but when the time comes, you'll think back to this and thank me. Thank me in the form of dollars, which will be the style at the time.
Posted by fad at 9:23am
I had planned to pitch the whole day here since, once again, every post attempt drifted towards the "I hate myself" or "Once again proof I'm a fucking moron" bent -- well, more so than the usual -- but decided to pull the post announcing that. Part of me thinks that it is polite to let people know there will be nothing new to see, so they shouldn't waste their time stopping by. But it also seems incredibly egotistical to think that there is an army of addicts out there depending on the every clack of my keyboard.
So, while I'm not going to write off the day, as of right now I got nothin'. I used to, when this happened, ask for any requests, but that always ended up getting poor attempts at humor. Maybe I'll just make up some bullshit list later today.
Posted by fad at 6:34am
July 8th, 2004
"Who loves ya, baby?" Ving Rhames does. USA television network on Wednesday confirmed plans to produce a movie adaptation of "Kojak," the 1970s police drama that starred Telly Savalas as the stylish, crome-dome Lt. Theo Kojak.The return of "Kojak" not jiggling your janglers? How 'bout this, then.
"Police Academy" is back. After a decade's absence from the big screen, the cop comedy franchise is gearing up for an eighth installment.I just hope all our favorite actors from the first ones can find time in their schedules to be a part of this.
Posted by fad at 6:05pm
Another new entry in the Compendium of Annoying People will be the Person Who, When You Mention A Band, Immediately Claims They Are Just A Poor Rip Off Of [insert indie cred bandname here], Then Sits Back Satisfied As If They Just Took First Runner Up At This Year's "Better Than Everyone Else" Pageant.
Posted by fad at 5:40pm
For some reason this story reminded me of the fireworks stealing at the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring.
The incident started Tuesday afternoon when two boys apparently pried open the locked door of a trailer containing five monkeys and a lemur, which were at the fair as part of an exhibit. The monkeys escaped, but the lemur stayed put.The lemur always stays put.
Posted by fad at 1:26pm
Clown fear!
A true fear of clowns, is no, ahem, laughing matter, though, said Dr. Craig Sawchuk, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Washington.But some clowns don't believe in the power of clown fear.
The most serious reaction can be a panic attack.
"Exposure-based therapy allows you to stay in their presence long enough that your fear starts to naturally decline," Sawchuk said. "You learn it's pretty safe. Clowns are weird but they're not dangerous, per se."
Johnson, the clown historian, isn't convinced that all people who say they're afraid of clowns really are. Maybe, he theorizes, it's just hip to hate clowns.Man, I'd kill to have something cool like "the clown historian" follow my name whenever someone wrote of me. "Fad, the shit corn historian, isn't convinced..."
Posted by fad at 11:25am
In what will surely be dismissed by anti-Bushites as exploitive alarmism by the administration, but recognized as the bleeding obvious by anyone else, Homeland Security trotted out today to let us know the enemy wants to kill us and disrupt the elections. Wow. Stunning insight. Glad they stopped by to let me know.
Any attacks -- which hopefully never occur -- will, of course, be credited by those same anti-Bushites to the evil right-wing plot to finish the tyrannical takeover instead of the work of a murderous, nihilistic enemy who doesn't give a fuck about your party affiliation or your choice of bumper sticker. You can hate Bush all you like -- hell, I certainly am not all that fond of the fella myself -- but please spare some time for a little dislike for and acknowledgement of the enemy.
Posted by fad at 10:47am
How my mind works: I saw this headline
"No Gorings on Second Day of Spain Bull Run"
and suddenly had a vision of people fleeing from dozens of angry, shouty, sweaty Al Gores in bad suits charging at them through narrow Spanish streets. As much as I hate myself, it can be fun in here sometimes.
Posted by fad at 7:34am
Here's another in my continuing series Confessions of a Stupid Man.
I've never seen the movie "A Fish Called Wanda" almost entirely because I'm sure I wouldn't get any of it.
Posted by fad at 6:41am
Look out, Vermont, there's brave dissent stalking your shores.....well, if you had shores.
At least five American flags have been found burned in public places in the city since mid-June, and several residents have reported their flags missing, police said.In return, many of the perpetrators returned home to find their Che posters with the beard burned out with "Stop Romanticizing Murderous Thugs" scrawled on them. In one case a String Cheese Incident poster was vandalized with the words "Buzz Harshed!" written out with tiny little dollar signs forming the letters.
[...]
A flag found Wednesday draped on a building had the stars burned out and the phrase "Stop the Corruption." Some of the missing flags were displayed by the city for Fourth of July festivities.
Posted by fad at 6:39am
July 7th, 2004
Show List
Wow, nearly two-thirds of them I know absolutely nothing about. I'm amazed they fucking let me vote.
(List seen at and taken from Two Braincells)
Posted by fad at 6:32pm
I disapprove of everything in this story except for the gluing of things to cats.
A "cunning" 14-year-old girl charged with murdering her father escaped from home confinement by removing an electronic monitoring device from her ankle and gluing it to a cat, authorities said.Damn.
[...]
"My officer informed me he thought it (the monitoring device) was super-glued on a cat," Collins said. The cat was not hurt, he said.
Posted by fad at 6:01pm
Racism in London!
A London restaurant is offering diners the chance to learn whether they are descended from the rampaging Mongol ruler Genghis Khan -- and win a free meal if they are.Ok, it's not racism, but that's such a fun word to type. Almost as fun as "fascist". This explains why many people type either word so often when it clearly doesn't apply.
[...]
''We've had Mongolian people who've traveled across London to give us their details,'' said Hugo Malik, bar manager of Shish, which is giving away one DNA test daily at each of its two London branches.
Since Genghis Khan conquered vast tracts of Asia and Europe in the 12th and 13th centuries and sired many offspring, it was assumed that the men share his genetic fingerprint.Mmmmm...vast tracts....
Posted by fad at 5:05pm
There is a place near where I am currently working that I sometimes like to go for lunch. It is overpriced and overportioned -- which I suppose means it is well priced for the amount of food they bring you, but priced too high for what you can actually manage to eat. However, the food is not the entire draw of this place. Every waitress, save for a couple rarely seen, has either a speech impediment or disability of some sort. Nothing is wrong with that, and they should perhaps be applauded for it, but this does make the experience a little surreal. As I am reading my book, out of the corners of eyes and ears, snippets are seen and heard that are just enough to cause the brain to skip. Add in the horrible music -- lunch is not complete without a hearing of Billy Ocean's "Out of My Dreams (and into My car)" -- and the settle setting is soon put to "un".
This is also the sort of place that attracts those people who don't actually want anything on the menu. They want something like what is on the menu, something perhaps in the spirit of those things listed, but not actually what is there. Instead, they see each listing as a template for them to rearrange and correct. They order a sandwich, but then seek to substitute everything about it for something else. Salads are the real show for these people. I've heard attempts to control what greens are used in the spring mix, the precise number of tomatos or olives, and dressing -- the choices of which are always dissatisfactory -- always on the side.
The best part, at least relative to this particular experience, is also the briefest part of lunch: the hostess. She quite obviously hates her job, and, by extension, hates you for causing her to have to do it. More often than not, she is off somewhere in the back, avoiding anyone coming in who may require seating. When she does arrive, it is with a flumping step and displeased glare. Once, while I was waiting for her to seat me, she was being asked some questions by a nice, but rather confused, older lady. After settling things, the hostess turned and tried to mutter "fucking cunt" under her breath, but her breath was having none of it.
Maybe, then, it is not overpriced; they're just charging for the show.
Posted by fad at 11:50am
Hosting Matters, where many sites are hosted, names their servers after gods, goddesses and titans. Looking at some trackback* information, I thought it'd be interesting to see which sites are related to which god, goddess or titan by Hosting Matters.
Overtaken by Events is hosted by Thea, mother of the sun. Hmmm, don't know how he should take that.
Redsugar is hosted by Hecate. I'll leave that one alone.
it comes in pints? is hosted by Dionysus, which I'm sure she'll be very pleased to know.
A Small Victory is hosted by the roaring sound of Triton. I have no joke here (only because the only ones I could come up with involved the blowing of things (horns, you pervs (ok, mostly horns (all right, entirely horns (parentheses are fun))))).
Well, that was a fun diversion.
*Yeah, I know. The goddamn trackbacks still don't fucking work.
Posted by fad at 10:52am
It's so nice that Ken has found something to fill his life now that Barbie has moved on.
This whole trying to grasp the Kennedy legacy has gone too far, though, with the John-John campaign. Personally, I can't even think of that without weeping, once again, over America's Prince, John "John-John" F. Kennedy, Jr. That loss is too close, I'm afraid. If I tried to vote for them, my ballot would become too mushy with tears to turn in.
Posted by fad at 10:04am
Nothing like a pathetic attempt at cover-up.
It was the leather shoes that caught the eye of U.S. officials with Secretary of State Colin Powell in a camp for Sudanese uprooted by ethnic violence.It gets even sloppier.
Sudanese forced from their homes by war or famine normally have the most primitive footwear or none at all. Many had leather shoes at the camp and obviously didn't belong there.
When he finally reached a shelter at the end of his tour, a group of women presented him with a petition suggesting that all was well in Darfur.But don't worry, even though they had to trot out agents to tell the story, there's nothing wrong at all in Darfur.
His delegation realized that the women were government agents. Not only were they well-dressed, they were overweight.
The Sudanese government seems to think that Darfur's problems have been greatly exaggerated — the product of an obsessed American media.Yes, how sick I am that the genocide in the Sudan leads the news every night and litters our newspapers pushing aside such important stories as women at Augusta golf club or the latest tale of no speeches in Iraq.
Posted by fad at 6:57am
Freedom and good times have finally come to North Korea.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has introduced hamburgers to his reclusive, communist country in a campaign to provide "quality" food to university students, media reported Wednesday.North Korean media crediting Kim Jong Il with something? My, this is a twisty turn of events.
[...]
Although reports from the isolated country have in recent years mentioned the introduction of the American fast food classic, the latest announcement seems to credit the country's leader for their advent.
The government then built a hamburger plant and Kim Jong Il ordered officials to pay close attention to modernizing mass production, the report was quoted as saying by Yonhap.Ah, nothing like a centralized, communist planned factory hamburger. Why, I almost suspect they're as good as a sackful of White Castles.
Posted by fad at 6:48am
When this site first started way back in November, I twice mentioned the name of Tori Spelling's fiancee/husband. Since then there has been a steady, near daily stream of search hits on his name. But not just his name. Almost every search hit also contains the term "jew" or "Iranian". This obsession over the ethnicity of the man who, at least at one time, threatened to take Ms. Spelling off the market is worldwide. And world organizational, as one of those search hits recently came from someone at the Worldbank. I hope no developing nation's loan depended on his status.
Posted by fad at 6:42am
July 6th, 2004
UPDATE: Oh yeah, and a good time was indeed had by all (unless you got an email).
Posted by fad at 6:41pm