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July 31st, 2004

A Couple Things on a Saturday

Posted by fad at 12:05pm

July 30th, 2004

Into the Weekend

People in the St. Louis area (it may be all of Missouri, but I don't know) should be familiar with that fine place Dirt Cheap Cigarettes & Beer (taglines include, "The more she drinks, the better you look." and "Remember, size does matter, so carry a big wallet with all the money you save.") Among the dirt cheap products they sell is a self-branded beer. We tried it once. Once. It's better than Stag (another local favorite) or Busch, but that ain't saying much.

For the last few months they've been advertising their new proud product. Wine. Specifically, what they call "30 Dime Wine for $2.99." Someday I will try this wine. Someday. But it will not be this day.

I think that's it for this week. Have a good weekend.

Posted by fad at 6:05pm

More Ahhht

I don't think that anyone would dare argue there is anyone more clever than an artist.
Two pieces of art [...] were removed from Denver International Airport after employees complained.

The art was part of an exhibit called "The Luggage Project" in which artists from around the world were asked to turn suitcases into art.
What were they?
[...A] suitcase with a handle made from a box cutter
Ooo. Deep. Stupid.
The other piece removed from the airport was a suitcase with an attached bumper sticker reading "Blood for oil. Billionaires for Bush,"
Hmmmm...what was the artist's motivation for that piece? What was she trying to say?
[The artist], who created the second suitcase, said she was trying to link the spilling of blood and oil.
Wow. More deep thought. See, I wouldn't have gotten that. .
"Art is controversial, and we have a right to freedom of speech," she said.
No, art can be controversial. Not all art has to be. Controversy itself does not make it great, good, passable or even bad art. Unless you live in her world that it ain't art unless it has shock value. Forget all that skill, craft and actual thought stuff.

Of course she's blah-blahing that she's being censored because, you know, I'm guessing Ashcroft himself siezed it and burned it, but only after pissing all over it because, as a Republican, we all know his urine is petroleum based from all that oil he throws back to wash down his daily meal of braised third-world baby, so it burned real good.

Lemme 'splain to her. Yes, you have the right to free speech. And they have a right to exercise theirs by choosing not to show your art. Anyone else willing to show your art, can do so. The state hasn't banned your art from all viewing, nor has it destroyed it.

Posted by fad at 4:03pm

Reads Like One I Wrote

If Abe Lincoln lived today, he'd have an angsty blog. As per my stupidity, I haven't a clue if the poem is good or not, but it sure seems angsty enough for some gothy kid's journal.

Posted by fad at 2:23pm

It's Friday. They Can't All Be Gold

Finally a solution for all those shark attacks
Excited by the scent of blood, a dozen sharks dart about in a frenzy as a researcher dips a pole in the sea and squirts out a clear, yellowish substance. Within seconds, the sharks jerk their snouts away and vanish.
Sounds like he just whipped it out and peed on the shark. I know that would chase me away no matter how much blood was around me.

Posted by fad at 2:14pm

Because They Never Saw Such Ads Anywhere Else

Here's to free speech!
A Pennsylvania law banning paid advertisements for alcohol in college newspapers is unconstitutional, a federal appeals court ruled Thursday.
College students are most in need of the information that liquor advertisers can provide.
"If government were free to suppress disfavored speech by preventing potential speakers from being paid, there would not be much left of the First Amendment," he wrote.
I agree, but, as we recently learned due to the new regulations, government can feel free to suppress speech by preventing the collection of voluntarily donated money to pay for potential speaking.

Posted by fad at 2:00pm

More Uselessness

And now I have developed some sort of muscle twitch/spasm in my right index finger that is severely interfering with my ability to type and not have odd pain in my finger.

Posted by fad at 12:36pm

I Know Stuff

In my effort to see you better educated and more prepared for the world, here is a nugget of wisdom from me to you:

Never get in a drive-thru if there is a minivan or large SUV in front of you. The driver may be the only person in the vehicle, but more than likely they are buying for 400 people and will take forever.

There, now your life is better. And all thanks to me.

Posted by fad at 12:34pm

Manchurian Text Messager

This reads like a bad suspense/mystery movie. Or episode from some basic cable original series.
A 32-year-old pastor was sentenced to life in prison Friday for using cell phone text messages he said were from God to convince his former nanny to kill his wife.
The motivation, of course, was love.
She also shot Fossmos' neighbor, Daniel Linde, who survived.
[...]
Police said Fossmo had been having an affair with Linde's wife, and prosecutors claimed Fossmo wanted his wife and Linde dead so he could start a new life with Alexandra Linde and avoid getting a divorce.
See? Love. These actions make events from his past a little more suspicious.
The court acquitted Fossmo on charges of murdering his first wife, Helene Fossmo, who was found dead in their bathtub in 1999.

That death was originally declared an accident after medical examiners decided she hit her head on a bathtub faucet after a fall.
They reopened that case, but haven't found any or enough evidence to get him on it.

Posted by fad at 7:57am

Ummm....Good Thing!

I saw this story about how the Miss America pagent is getting rid of the talent competition, thought it was amusing, but certainly not interesting enough to post about. That is, until I saw the last paragraph.
Heather French Henry, Miss America 2000, was also critical. "It's a tragedy," she said. "That's what separates us from the type of contestant that goes to Miss USA. Our young ladies get into it for the scholarships and the talent."
"We're not like those take-all-comers sluts at Miss USA! We can juggle!"

Posted by fad at 7:53am

Already Running Out of Titles

At least Martha Burk's campaign against Augusta wasn't a total loss.
Augusta commissioners voted to pay $120,000 to the attorneys of an activist who claimed the city improperly restricted a protest against all-male membership at the home of the Masters golf tournament.
Now how much of that does Howell Raines get?

Posted by fad at 7:51am

Former Clown John Wayne Gacy Held a Digging at his Home

The Respect Coalition or Party (I've never been sure what, if anything, comes after "Respect" in that) won its first election.
An anti-war party founded by a former member of the governing Labour Party claimed its first election victory in a local vote in London.
Who was this founding guy again?
Respect was founded by George Galloway, a member of Parliament who was kicked out of Labour after he urged British soldiers not to fight in Iraq. Galloway was a prominent opponent of Blair's decision to commit fighting forces to the U.S.-led coalition.
Amazing what they left out and how much they glossed over in Galloway's recent biography. They left out the still unresolved claims, based on evidence (some of which turned out to be forgeries, some of which was not. Investigations are still pending.), that he took bribes from Saddam and other killers. If my memory is correct, this was the reason for his initial suspension from Labour. That and investigations that he was skimming, hell practically scooping, from the monies that came into charities he was involved in.

At the next parole hearing for Charlie Manson, will the AP write, "Former songwriter, Charles Manson, had a meeting with some people today."?

Posted by fad at 7:40am

Buscemi's Dancing Was the Funniest

I promised I'd post something about the move Big Fish today, so here it is. I first saw it right when it came out for rental. I enjoyed it, thought it had some great, beautiful moments, but nothing really more than that. Based on the reactions of some friends when they saw it, though, I decided I should give it another chance. This time, it really got me. About all I'm going to say here is that I have never seen a movie which captures the cycle of seeing a parent initially as a god, to seeing them as a buffoon, to then realize they are all too human, to finally coming back to a sort of hero.

Posted by fad at 7:17am

Ballad of a Lazy Blogger

It's the end of the month, so in the tradition of lazy posts everywhere, here's a survey of this month's odd search hits. Before we begin, though, let me just tell you that you people are obsessed with Alexandr[i]a Kerry's tits. That's right, every single one of you. (Also, the British seem to be unduly interested in the fact that I spelled botulism as "botchulism"). Here we go!
hillary clinton hits airport cop with car at airport
Yeah, like Hillary! actually drives.

elvish songs

Uh oh...looks like someone is looking for something to croon to their Orlando Bloom realdoll.

Michael Moore writes gutter trash

Now, now. Around here we try to put our trash where it belongs, the DNC, not the gutters.

keira Knightley feets

Dude, I know her tits are small, but they're way more exciting than her feet.

shorts in winter

It is very fitting that this site be hit with that search.

Missouri is full of assholes

Well, I wouldn't go that far. Minnesota, on the other hand...

women getting fuck by a farm pig

It seems no matter what site I run, I'm destined to get all the women fucking pigs traffic.

Elijah Wood's cell phone number

When you get a hold of him, ask him what the fuck was up with that accent he used in them fancy monster movies.

oscars wet t-shirt pete rose way

I'm not sure what that means, but I hope to God it isn't that this guy wants to see Pete Rose in a wet t-shirt.

hardest underage sites diana

I'm guessing whoever searched for that is a real devil with the ladies.

alf elf masons

Shuutttt uupppp.....we don't want that to get out yet!


Ok, that about does it for this month. Thanks again to the internet for being so fucked up.

Posted by fad at 7:10am

July 29th, 2004

Roses Are Red; Violets Are Blue. Shut it.

One of the great flaws of English speaking humanity is to consider every alliteration clever and every rhyme -- especially if the words oppose each other -- insightful. Because of this, I really wish that "uniter" and "divider" didn't rhyme, even the piss-poor barely way they do. You're not poets, even if you think you know it. So just stop it, please.

Posted by fad at 7:45pm

Ahht

The story after this headline was very disappointing.

"Bacon painting could go overseas"

Sadly, it's not a painting of a whole mess of bacon. Mmmm....bacon.

Posted by fad at 6:51pm

What a Scream

In a nutshell, what disturbs me about people with Al Franken's mindset.
The treatment of Bush was far harsher: "He said he was against nation building. What I didn't realize was that he meant only our nation," Franken said.
I'll wait while you recover from the laughter which has seized you. Hope you brought a change of underwear.

Ready?

The implication is that Bush went against his word and now is all about nation building in Iraq and Afghanistan and such for no good reason. Ok, what bugs -- no, disturbs -- me about that? It completely ignores the September 11th attacks. It denies that they should have had any effect on policy, or give reason for a policy to change. When Bush said he was against nation building, that was nearly a year before the attacks. People such as Franklin don't want us to think that anything should have changed (unless it meant the US crawling into a shell) because of them. They don't just disagree with the way the war is being fought; they deny there is one at all. It is manufactured. They, frankly, want us to forget, reattach our blinders and turn our calendars to September 10th, 2001.

Posted by fad at 6:29pm

Gah

And here's today's "I'm Very Glad I Didn't Witness That" story.
The men, ages 35 and 36, bought two pair of underwear at the store Tuesday, went into a bathroom and came out wearing only the thongs and T-shirts, police said.
This is excusable only if alcohol was involved. And in your mid 30s, it'd better be a lot of it.
When asked why they were wearing thong underwear, one of the men said a friend "triple-dog dared" them.
Judges? Nope. Not gonna allow it. It was close, but they're feeling extra surly today. And they get angry when there isn't any alcohol mentioned or in them.

Posted by fad at 5:55pm

He Just Can't Stop

Thank God I don't like shrimp. They're about to get more expensive.
The proposed tariffs against Brazil, Ecuador, India and Thailand ranged from 4 percent to 68 percent
This is why I stick to a strict diet of found animals and a tea I brew from the scum that grows in the front-left of my shower. They can't tariff those!

Posted by fad at 5:47pm

Caca

Be happy you were nowhere near this.
Crews fighting a smoky, stinky blaze in the dried crust of a three-acre manure lagoon on a dairy farm finished smothering the flames yesterday with more of the same — a blanket of wet cow poop.
You may imagine how that would smell, but why not take the word of a witness?
"In your worst nightmare, if you can imagine burning manure combined with a brush fire — this sort of woody undertone."
So just like regular potpourri.

Posted by fad at 5:44pm

Searching, Not Finding

So is this Technorati thing just a piss-poor screen saver, or does it actually return data sometimes?

Posted by fad at 12:00pm

Little Jerry

You know, South Carolina, this kind of stuff doesn't do your image much good.
South Carolina's agriculture commissioner was arrested Thursday on charges of taking payoffs to protect a cockfighting ring.
[...]
He was accused of accepting at least $10,000 from an organization involved in breeding and raising birds for cockfighting in exchange for helping the group avoid trouble from the law.
Just more damned, dirty proof that Republicans love animal cruelty.

Posted by fad at 11:47am

Dammit. I have New Order's Ceremony stuck and looping in my head. It's a great song, one of my favorites, but not when it won't go away.

Posted by fad at 11:22am

Illinoise

I may not like living in the midwest, but I have to admit it's fun living next to Illinois. There's the eternal fun of Chicago politics, with wacky aldermen and Richard "Little Caeser" Daley. The Republican party there is in total shambles from some corruption, but mostly sheer idiocy. Their candidate for the Senate had to drop out due to perception problems when it came out from his divorce records that his ex-wife (she and her tits were on one of the Star Trek shows) claimed he tricked her into going to sex-clubs on something like 7 occasions (figure out how someone can be "tricked" into that that many times) and wanted her to fuck him or give him blowjobs whilst there. Yes, only a Republican could have a sex scandal involving wanting to screw his own wife. After he dropped out (though he just today officially bowed out), their backup plan was Mike Ditka of all things.

Now the Democratic party is trying to tear itself up.
The infighting and back-biting among Illinois Democrats boiled over Wednesday as state Senate President Emil Jones angrily suggested that House Speaker Michael J. Madigan -- the state party chairman -- was at the wrong national convention.

"Is the speaker planning on going to New York for the Republican convention?" Jones asked reporters.
Meow!

Posted by fad at 11:05am

And I Don't Mean the Cho Picture

Finally, cross stitch and misanthropy combined. And it's Margaret Cho approved!

(Depending on how puckered your workplace is, there is a picture at the bottom that doesn't show anything and is work safe, but you might not want seen on the screen.)

Posted by fad at 9:47am

Yet Another Bad Joke

"Chick-Lit King Imagines His Way Into Women's Heads"

Personally, I often imagine my way into somewhere else.

Posted by fad at 7:43am

Strange Choice of Symbols

And, again.
Vandals painted swastikas and satanic symbols on 32 tombstones at a Jewish cemetery in eastern France, officials said Wednesday.
Seems really strange that someone in France would choose to use the swastika, though there could be a segment that thinks, "Hey, maybe those Nazis had it together." That segment seems to be in every country. Could also be that the perpetrators may not be native to France.

Posted by fad at 7:35am

I'm Sure Someone Will Claim The US Does Exactly The Same

Yo, Linda Ronstadt et al, this is what real crushing of dissent is like.
Vietnam sentenced democracy advocate Nguyen Dan Que to 30 months in jail Thursday for posting Internet articles critical of the communist government.

Que, 62, was convicted of "abusing democratic rights to infringe upon the interests of the State" in his half-day trial in Ho Chi Minh City, a court official said.
Admittedly, it's not being booted from the Aladdin, but not everyone can be as brave.

Posted by fad at 7:20am

Firefox, Bad!

Every few days or so, I pull the latest from cvs and build a new version of Firefox. Something horrible has happened with the builds of the last few days, though. For years, perhaps since graphical browsers began, hitting the spacebar would page down when reading a site. Now, for reasons not even the goat-fucking, mackerel eating priests of Lamatrachina understand, hitting the spacebar causes some stupid help window to show up.

Changing basic browser behavior like this should be criminal. It must be a violation of international law (as I understand it, anything is a violation of international law as long as you scream, "This is in violation of international law!") I'm hoping to get one of those Belgian or Spanish judges to start laying out indictments.

UPDATE: Thanks to a kind comment, we can now all watch the bug tracking and resolution.

Posted by fad at 7:18am

July 28th, 2004

Odds

So who wants to start taking bets for at which point Blair and Welch finally crack and just start interviewing each other?

Posted by fad at 6:34pm

Seems Odd

Ok, it's been bugging me since last night: Are there seriously parents who still call it a "time out" when they punish a 12 year old? Are there seriously 12 year olds who wouldn't be as embarrassed as hell to have such a "baby" term applied to them? I admit, I don't have kids, but that seems really old to be calling it a "time out". Feel free to correct me as needed on this.

UPDATE: Per the comment, apparently they do. Poor kids.

Posted by fad at 5:21pm

Oh God It's (not) Raining

As quirky, smallish town festivals go, this one isn't too bad.
Rain has been falling for so long on July 29 in Waynesburg - 108 of the past 129 years - that the odds would seem pretty good that the skies will open up again on Thursday, the day this town celebrates its annual Rain Day.
What terrible fate will befall this cursed village if rain should not fall?
And in a tradition that has lasted decades, someone famous could lose his hat in the customary bet with the mayor. This year, it is "Anchorman" actor Will Ferrell.
[...]
Over the years, the town has won hats from Bing Crosby, Johnny Carson, former Pittsburgh Steelers star Franco Harris, the Three Stooges, boxer Jack Dempsey, the Dixie Chicks and actress Fran Drescher.
Ok, The Lottery it ain't.

Posted by fad at 2:58pm

Whispering My Name

I knew those little buggers were broadcasting to my brain! It's the only explanation for those ...things..I do.
Ground squirrels make an alarm call so high pitched that we cannot even hear it, scientists report in Nature.
How did they figure this out?
But when these "silent screams" were processed by a bat detector, an abundance of ultrasound was detected.
To the bat detector!
James Hare and his colleague David Wilson analysed the high-pitched calls, and found they were made in reaction to a threat; and elicited an alarm response in other squirrels.
Bullshit. These are clearly signals that activate the chips in our brains. They were bred in a Halliburton animal testing labratory just for this specific purpose. As Miss Piggy said, squirrels are the devil's oven mits.

Posted by fad at 2:12pm

Wonder if the Reporter Was At Either Event

Here's a nice correction.
In a July 27 story about Vice President Dick Cheney, The Associated Press reported erroneously that Cheney criticized John Kerry and John Edwards in a speech before Marines at Camp Pendleton, Calif. Cheney did speak to the Marines but he made his comments about Kerry and Edwards later in the day in Bakersfield, Calif., at a political event for Republican congressional candidate Roy Ashburn.
That's a huge difference. If he'd actually done what they initially reported, that'd be a huge story.

Posted by fad at 1:09pm

I hate when this happens.
A German woman became so furious after a fight with her husband she stormed out of the house armed with a hammer and smashed up his car -- before realizing she had vandalized the wrong vehicle, police said Wednesday.
Ah, there isn't enough poetry in the world to describe the beauty that is love.

Posted by fad at 11:59am

This is how this article starts.
Six thousand children die each year in the United States from exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke.
Stated as complete, accepted fact. But I was wondering from what it is they actually die that is supposedly triggered by secondhand smoke. It can't really be cancer, because it takes the better part of a lifetime for an actual smoker to increase their risk. So I decided to do a little work.

First, I only found claims that 6,000 total die in the US from secondhand smoke. But, I guess, everyone is someone's child, so maybe their definition holds. Then I found claims that 6,000 children try a cigarette each day. Following that were claims that 6,000 total die in British Columbia every year from smoking all told. So this "6,000" number appears to be pretty key. Most just state the numbers and move happily on because, well, they stated numbers! From experts!

After searching around a bit, I could only find one study that estimated the 6,000 number for deaths. Everyone else just ran with it. I found another article which stated that statistics show there are 280 deaths per year nationally. As far as the study claiming the 6,000 or more, here is the breakdown.
According to the study, 2,800 deaths a year are attributable to low birth weight caused by mothers who smoke during pregnancy. The researchers also attribute 2,000 deaths a year to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) caused by second-hand smoke; 1,100 deaths a year caused by respiratory infections; 250 deaths annually caused by fires started by cigarettes or matches; and another 14 deaths due to asthma.
So of our 6,000 dying from secondhand smoke, nearly half are low birthweight attributed to the mother's smoking. That's not quite the impression "6,000 children die each year from secondhand smoke" gives. Since I have been unable to find the actual study itself, I cannot say if they eliminated any other environmental and behavioral issues with the mother (other drugs, alcohol, poor diet).

Another third is taken up by SIDS. Now, I think this is a bit of a stretch because, as far as I've ever read, no one fully understands or has a consensus on its cause. Smoking too often is a magic wand for when they aren't sure what did it, but smoking is bad and was around, so it probably had a hand.

Of these numbers, the one I'm most willing to give a hand to secondhand smoke being a contributing factor is the respiratory infections. Not so much causing, but making worse. The fact that for the fires they have to add "matches" makes me wonder, again not being able to find (for free) the actual study, if they made sure those matches were used for smoking or for the million other things they can be used for.

I'm not totally discounting the 6,000, but one study, and an awful lot of "6,000"s popping up related to smoking makes me wish a newspaper was a little more concerned about the stating of such things so definitively. Doing just a little research, I know I wouldn't.

Posted by fad at 11:17am

Me Llamo Fad

For the last week or so someone had been calling my phone multiple times a day. I didn't recognize the number, so figured if it was important, they'd bother to leave a message. But they never did. I looked up the area code and saw it was from Miami. I don't know anyone in Miami, so knew this call was definitely not one I needed to take.

But they kept calling and calling. Finally yesterday, I decided to answer the damn call.

"Hello?"

"¿Puedo hablar con Señor Gonzalez, por favor?"

"Uh, you really have the wrong number."

"Oh. OK"

I sure hope they manage to track down Señor Gonzalez. Judging by the call frequency it's obviously very important they get a hold of him.

Posted by fad at 7:52am

Shut Up and Dispense

Supposedly these have been successful in North America, but I've never seen one. Therefore they cannot truly exist.
Cash machines that greet customers by name and remind them of a partner's birthday are coming to the UK.
[...]
In the future, NCR said cash machines would also offer sports scores and allow customers to check share prices while they withdraw cash.

Within a year, NCR said ATMs will begin offering the usual amount of cash people withdraw and remind them of important information such as when their home insurance is up for renewal.
When I'm trying to get at my meager cash supplies, I don't want some uppity machine telling me what to do. It's bad enough that the toaster is always laughing at me.

Posted by fad at 7:38am

Warm Glowing Warming Glow

In campaign commercial news -- I'm ignoring the presidential level ones to concentrate on the local, often laughably produced ones -- they have finally started to ramp up a bit around here. For a brief while, most involved the run for Democratic nominee for governor. One of those running is a woman, and her ads have been refreshing for the simple fact that they (at least the ones I've seen) make no effort to point that out. They try to stress (her version of) her record and her competence. This is a huge change from just a decade ago when almost every ad I saw for a woman running for some high office, gender was always played up as a major factor.

But the real fun has been over a proposed amendment to expand the places where casinos can be built. This has my favorite ad so far. It's on the con side. Over the image of an empty, dead playground we learn that expansion of gambling will DESTROY family oriented tourism, HURT our CHILDREN and create GAMBLING ADDICTS who will be ADDICTED to WELFARE.*

They might as well have an ad that says, "Vote 'No' on Amendment 1 or your children will die and your mom will become a whore!"

Posted by fad at 7:10am

Goddamn I'm Dull

For your edification, here are the top signs that someone has lost the argument, or never had one to start.
They invoke the "Everyone does it" excuse

At it's best, this happens when someone comes in and declares that X is terrible and Y pure because X does this. When it is pointed out that Y does the same thing, and sometimes worse, the return is, "Well, everyone does it." Which is then supposed to make everything ok. Most often this is used when all the parties are far less interested in the particular action than in who is taking the action. These cases usually go like this: X did this! Y did this! Oh yeah? Well X did this? Phaw! Y did this. Oh, well everyone does it.

It's a declaration of at best a tie, but more an admission that this person really had no real point to make, just an attack.

The "Oooo... Shiny!" Dodge

This one often happens when someone is clearly being trounced, all their points refuted or at least diminished. They ask how anyone can really believe what they are arguing when this unrelated or tangentially related thing is going on way over here? This is also known as the "Since we can't solve every problem at once, we shouldn't try to solve any of them because doing that takes away attention from the other problems. Plus if one situation is made better, that just highlights how bad the others are by the contrast." dodge.

They declare that you don't "get it".

As I typed before, there is a large and growing attitude that all disagreement stems from either malice and/or ignorance. Therefore, if someone argues against something, or says they don't like it, the charitable, and condescending, reaction is that they must not understand it. It's frustrating to get into one of these situations and have to actually say, "Yes, I know that is what the writer is saying. I just don't agree with it for these reasons." That is unacceptable to people who use this as an argument. It is impossible for anyone to disagree with their point since it is so clearly right (for added fun, many of these people don't believe in any objective truth and have a dedication to what they call nuance (which doesn't necessarily mean that's what it is), but are damned convinced there is only one correct position allowable on any issue). If you still disagree with them, even after they have taken pains to condescend to your level to explain it, then you must have an evil intent. This is the attitude we're seeing a lot of out of the convention. I'm sure we'll see it for the next one. Less from the actual speakers at the convention, though the press will immediately call anything "mean spirited" ("Did you hear the way he said 'hello'? He stressed the 'hell' part." "Yes, Jane, just another sign of the creeping fundamentalism of the Republican party."), but from some of the right-wing pundits.

You write at a site called "Farm Accident Digest"

Let's face it, you don't come here for the smarts, 'cause there aren't any.

As a bonus, here's an example of the "False Argument by inference." It works like this.

Michael Moore is a multi-millionaire who hides his finances and investments from the public. Enron is a company that hid its true finances and investments from the public and ended up destroying the dreams and futures of many hard working American. Furthermore, Michael Moore's movie was recently praised by Paul Krugman who also praised Enron and took $50,000 for consultant fees. What is Michael Moore hiding?

Every statement is true, followed by an innocent question.

Posted by fad at 6:44am

July 27th, 2004

Horrible Human

A tip to everyone this afternoon: When hiring an escort service, don't use your estranged wife's credit card.
A St. Paul man wanted for allegedly stabbing his 21-year-old estranged wife 63 times was arrested near Chicago after using her credit card to try to pay for an escort service, authorities said Monday.
Oh yeah, and don't stab anyone 63 times.

Posted by fad at 6:31pm

I've Never Watched Doctor Who

This is utter horseshit.
Star Wars robot R2D2 has won a poll to find the world's favourite robot.
Bender was second, with Crow third (both should have whupped R2D2's ass -- were it to have one). No word on where Al Gore* ranked. However this is the crime, though.
At number five was robot Number Five, the star of the 1980s science fiction comedy Short Circuit.
I've never wept so much at a film than I did at that one. Number Five, alive? You bet, buddy. Number Five will always be alive in this man's heart.

*Ugh. What an obvious, stupid joke.

Posted by fad at 6:09pm

I've Stooped To This

"Mexico and Cuba swap ambassadors"

Kinky.

Posted by fad at 5:55pm

Bullshit Now Written On Real Shit

I love progress.
The Millennium Elephant Foundation is producing stationery made from elephant dung.

The writing paper comes in a number of different colors, depending on the diet, age and dental health of the dung producing pachyderm.
All the shit-colors of the shit-rainbow!

Posted by fad at 5:52pm

I'll Knobby You

Ok, two stories about Bush wiping out on his bike both include this detail, respectively.
He has been riding knobby-tired mountain bikes since February.
Bush has only been riding the knobby-tired mountain bikes since February, yet he takes on dangerous sections that would give veterans pause.
What's the obsession with the bikes being knobby-tired? I know the Times got the detail from the AP report, but why that one had to be repeated is a bit mystifying.

Posted by fad at 5:12pm

Pivo is Polish for Beer

More of your tax dollars at work.
The Distilled Spirits Council has received a yearlong grant worth about $62,000 from the Agriculture Department to participate in an overseas marketing program for U.S. agricultural products.
At least it's a noble cause. Drunks world wide need access to the information only the Distilled Spirits Council can provide.

Posted by fad at 12:59pm

Shut Up And Get Me More Coke

I hate small talk. Therefore, I really can't stand interrupting waitstaff chatter. Yesterday, whilst eating my lunch, one of the waitresses/hostesses/essesses came up to my table and said, as if talking to a four year old, "Ooooo! Reading a good book, are we?" (which, just for phrasing it that way, deserves some sort of sanction)

"Uh...yeah."

"Are you enjoying it?"

"Well, I'm trying to."

Posted by fad at 12:39pm

Revenge of the NASA

"That's no moon..."

Posted by fad at 10:41am

I Saw A Play At The Guthrie

You know that "This Land is Your Land" thing that blazed around the internet? Yeah, they're facing legal action by the people who own the song rights.
"This puts a completely different spin on the song," said Kathryn Ostien, director of copyright licensing for the publisher. "The damage to the song is huge."
Yeah, people might have to go back and remember his more commie loving, Stalin buffing ditties. One of my favorite stories about Guthrie is how, when Stalin and Hitler signed their pact, he recorded an album (with Pete Seeger and others as part of the Almanac Singers) including pacifist songs demanding that FDR stay out of Europe's hair. But just as it was coming out, Hitler invaded dear Uncle Joe's domain. He had to rush to disown those parts of the record and started recording pro-war songs. Consistent and loyal only to Stalin, he was.

Posted by fad at 10:39am

Begin With The Dance Of The Dead

Thank God there is no video of me around to be so exploited.
Legendary actor Sir Laurence Olivier is to star in a Hollywood fantasy film, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, 15 years after his death.

Footage of Lord Olivier from various films will be used to create a villainous leader of killer robots in the film due out in September.

New dialogue was recorded by another actor for Lord Olivier's voice.
Yes, but will he be dancing with a vacuum cleaner?

Posted by fad at 10:16am

Kneeslapper

It is my completely unscientific opinion that 93% of people who think they are clever, aren't. Unfortunately this segment is very easy to spot because in their inflated sense of cleverness, they think there is a need and desire for them to intrusively inflict their brand of cleverness on others.
A US-bound flight from Sydney turned back on Tuesday after a note found on board raised fears of a bomb threat
[...]
Transport Minister John Anderson earlier said that a note had been found that carried "some words that implied that there might have been a bomb on board".

He said the threat was scrawled on either a sick bag or envelope and was found near one of the aircraft's toilets.
It was a hoax, but I could swear this is at least the third story I've read about someone doing this. You can just imagine them in their seat, bored, maybe a little drunk, trying to pass the time on a long flight when suddenly their powers of cleverality spring into action. They write something about a bomb in the inflight mag, or a barf bag and then giggle away at how ever so clever and original they are to think of this. Hey, pigshit, everyone has thought of that. The rest of us are just smart enough to realize it ain't all that funny or clever.

Posted by fad at 7:34am

Recycling

A few years ago when surfing about, I saw a picture with this guy in the background, and my mind just said, "That looks like an Eager Jimmy." I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded really funny. So I started trying to think of what Eager Jimmy would be like. I decided he was a drunken movie reviewer, so I whipped up a couple reviews to amuse and amaze my friends. About the same time, one of my friends was starting up a comedy site (the second version of which was to be Farm Accident Digest, so all credit for the domain goes to him) and asked me to write some more Eager Jimmy reviews.

Anyway, I wrote a few, peaking with the "Planet of the Apes" one, then just plain lost the character. You can see that in the last two "reviews". It just got weird and stupid. I've tried many times to recapture it with new reviews, but I just can't get the tone right for some reason. My current failures aside, I still think a couple of the original ones are really funny. Many of you have already read these, but for the hell of it here's Eager Jimmy's Movie Zone*.

*That's not me in the picture.

Posted by fad at 6:47am

Stupid Expenses

Dammit. I need new shoes. I can't believe these only lasted a year of daily wear.

Posted by fad at 6:32am

July 26th, 2004

Not The Interesting I Was Looking For

Note to self: Do *not* mistype "blogspost.com" for "blogspot.com" when trying to get to my favorite still-on-blogspot sites. It's not safe for work.

Posted by fad at 9:57pm

Only Convention Post

They kicked out Triumph! Those bastards.

Of course, my assumption, knowing the general cluelessness and outoftouchedness of party muckimucks, they didn't even know who he is.

UPDATE: Consider this pretty much my only post about the convention unless something nice and wacky happens. I hate the conventions almost as much as the debates. They are outdated wastes of time, only providing the occasional moment of comedy (like Gore trying to cave in Tipper's face).

Posted by fad at 7:58pm

Money Money Money

Hey, next time you fire up your candy-ass interfaced Real Player, remember this.
He [founder and CEO of Real Networks] has served on the board that oversees Mother Jones, a left-wing muckraking magazine often as hard on Democrats as Republicans. Four years ago, he gave $2,000 to Ralph Nader's Green Party campaign, twice what he gave to Al Gore. Glaser and Nader are friends, Cantwell said.

At Yale, Glaser's politics were "slightly to the left of Che Guevara," joked Jacobsen, who knew Glaser at Yale and at Microsoft before joining him at RealNetworks.
Why do they always pick Che when Stalin would be just as accurate and correct?

Also, here we learn that Democratic and anti-Bush campaigns are funded and controlled by the monied few*. Super rich people -- many who, horrors!, inherited their money, stealing a head start from the rest of us-- who think you're stupid.
"What's really the most depressing is that all of this (television) money is to inform uninterested and uninformed people about important decisions," Goldman said. "If people took the time to learn, we wouldn't need all this money to educate them with a sound bite."
Between the lines we see, "If people were educated, they would have no choice but to agree with us. Disagreement only comes from evil intent or ignorance."

*But we knew that.

Posted by fad at 5:55pm

Methane

There are people in this world suffering terribly. They are being deprived of that which should be available to them by their basic humanity. Help end the nightmare. Set them free.

Posted by fad at 4:00pm

Boobies

Finally, proper recognition.
[]MGM is releasing a "V.I.P. Edition" DVD set on Tuesday, playing up the film's campy atrociousness.

The elaborate package includes shot glasses and playing cards for "Showgirls" drinking games; glossy pictures of star Elizabeth Berkley; plus pasties, a blindfold and a poster of Berkley for a "pin-the-pasties-on-the-showgirl" game.

Among DVD extras are a tutorial on how to give a lap dance and audio commentary titled "The Greatest Movie Ever Made."
Soon those long nights won't seem so lonely anymore. Just you wait until after I finish that tutorial! My parties will be the best.

Posted by fad at 3:59pm

Devils With The Ladies

I have to try this next time I'm in a hotel.
Angry hotel workers in Norway want to ban pay-TV pornography to stop naked porn-watching guests calling room service to lure female staff to their rooms.

A typical trick by guests, mostly businessmen, is to call the front desk for extras, such as fresh towels, to get female company
What a genius idea!

Posted by fad at 2:07pm

Another Bad Joke

"Yawning is contagious among chimpanzees"

And if you just yawned reading that, you're a monkey too!

Posted by fad at 1:46pm

Look At Me!

Speaking of elitism, Jonah Goldberg mentions (and appears to have engaged in) one of my least favorite expressions of it.
Another fellow had some book, which he ostentatiously held so that people on the train could read a giant blurb that said something to the effect of, "I am not a radical, I merely want to destroy the capitalist system."
I can't stand people who don't get their enjoyment out of what they read, but rather from how many people know what they are reading. I've known quite a few people who trained themselves to hold up their book while they read so that anyone who glances over can see what it is. This is especially important for establishing your place in the coffee shop hierarchy. I just can't stand the, "Look at what I'm reading! I'm ever so smart!" attitude of so many of them. Makes me wish I'd never invented reading.

Of course in insane reaction to my distaste for this, I always hide what I'm reading, which isn't much better. At least it's less intrusive.

Posted by fad at 1:30pm

Ugh

Goodness, my musk is enchanting today. What the hell?

Posted by fad at 12:25pm

How 'Bout That Weather

I've said before, this site sometimes feels like a conversation, but not in that good way that others use it. It feels like a conversation I have to start. And I'm terrible at that. I never strike up conversations because I can never think of anything to say. That's the blank of today's page. Nothing to say. So I'll just steal from Cut on the Bias and do a quiz.
HASH(0x8ab7c64)
You know which wines go best with which foods, and
you can make New York City's finest sommalier
feel like a kid at a keg party. You wanna take
that Emeril guy and beat him with a stick, but
really - you've got more class than that.
What people love: You know the best restaurants and
what their specialties are.
What people hate: Every waiter in town wants to
mangle your pretentious ass.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah. Me to a T. But it does give me a chance to tell this story that defines elitism to me. A woman I knew in college had a minor in music. She was also a violinist, the first to prove that all violinists are crazy and destined to make me miserable. One day she was explaining how composers often "borrowed" from each other, she even used the word "stole", but this was fine and wonderful. A couple hours later the same day, she was explaining how disgusting it was that John Williams borrowed from Holst's "Mars" (from "The Planets") for "Star Wars". Borrowing like that was wrong. When confronted that the two points were a bit incompatible, she acknowledged that. But that it was still wrong for Williams to "steal" because it was for a mass-market movie. The others did it for art.

Posted by fad at 12:09pm