August 27th, 2004
Off
Ok, I'm done here. Have a good weekend, everyone.
Posted by fad at 6:35pm
Ahht
You know, one day the "janitor accidently throwing away part of the art display" will actually be the art.The bag filled with discarded paper and cardboard was part of a work by Gustav Metzger, said to demonstrate the "finite existence" of art.This seems to happen so often now you'd either think someone would get the hint.
It was thrown away by a cleaner at the London gallery, which subsequently retrieved the damaged bag.
Posted by fad at 5:36pm
Smell
There was a spill of something on the entrance ramp from 94 to the east bound Page extension out in Saint Charles, MO. Its smell instantly transports me to the house construction my uncle used to do (and my mom and dad would help, hence why I was dragged along), however I just can't place exactly what it is. So, could all of you reading this take the time to drive that stretch, take a whiff and let me know what it is?Thanks
Posted by fad at 5:18pm
Driving
Based soley on the evidence of the Excursion with New York plates in front of me, I can only conclude that all New York drivers are idiots. Is it customary over there to put on your right turn signal and then stop at green lights? Then to sit there for 10 second despite beeping behind you and never use your signals again despite multiple sudden lane changes?
Posted by fad at 5:16pm
Maybe If It Weren't A Government Program
"Flying Cars Reportedly Still Decades Away"Horseshit!
Posted by fad at 3:10pm
Stupid Even If Not Intentional
Well, ain't this a pip of a toy.
Posted by fad at 1:22pm
I Truly Apologize For This One
Goat crisis in Yellowstone? Quick, to the goatmobile!A new study shows mountain goats are taking hold in Yellowstone National Park, but park officials aren't sure how to handle the presence of the nonnative animals.That's undocument animals, you goatist fuck.
Park Service policy considers nonnative species as something that should be managed "up to and including eradication."No! You know, if society would finally move beyond all its damn hangups, I'm sure there are many lonely people who'd be more than willing to take on a goat companion.
Hey! That's what that guy should do instead of dancing at Republican delegates! I hear that Republicans can't stand to watch a vigorous, healthy goat-fucking. Just pop out of the crowd and rip to it. They'll be so put off step that it'll sway the entire election. And I tell you, it's about time an election was settled due to goat-fucking.
Posted by fad at 11:37am
Inside Look
The death of a post:"I know! I'll write a funny thing about spam! It'll be about how I never knew I had so many friends looking to save me money, get me a home, or let me stare at their barely legal breasts as they experiment with their girlfriends! Just the sort of jokes made a thousand times.... before... by a thousand ...different... people...
Yeah, better kill that one, clever boy."
It sucks to think so mainstream sometimes. Remember: If you think you're being clever, you are quite definitely not. You should all feel lucky that, believe it or not, I do employ some internal censoring that prevents some of my worst crap from even being completed or typed in the first place.
Posted by fad at 11:19am
Stonehenge
I'm surrounded by so many keyboards right now, I feel like Viv Savage.
Posted by fad at 9:41am
Captain Obvious
"Bush to give CIA chief new powers"I swear, if it's the ability to communicate with sea creatures, I'm moving to Canada.
Posted by fad at 9:12am
I'm Going To Go Back There Someday
I see this headline: "Tarantino to star in Muppets film", and I'm a-gonna read that story. Of course that was their hope as nothing more specific is added about his role (likely a cameo).Kill Bill director Quentin Tarantino is to appear in a new Muppets film based on The Wizard of Oz.Gee, I wonder what kind of tone the film will take. Serious noir? Farce? Romantic comedy? Action adventure?
Described as a "madcap adventure", the film is based on Frank L Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.Oooooo! Madcap! The bestest kind of cap. Thank God there's a limitless supply of that because otherwise the half dozen madcap adventures released a year would have drained that well long ago.
Miss Piggy will appear as three wicked witches and Glinda, Good Witch of the South.This is actually a mad for tv movie, which is just as well. Most of their movies after the first couple have been crap, though the Treasure Island one had its moments. None can top the original, though.
Kermit the Frog will be the Scarecrow, the Great Gonzo will be the Tin Man and Fozzie Bear will play the Lion.
Posted by fad at 9:03am
Science!
Now this is just wild.After taking a 3D computer tomography (CT) scan of the patient's head, they used computer aided design to recreate the missing portion of the jaw-bone (mandible).No word on any discomfort issues related to the growth process. Growing your own replacement jaw in your back. As I said, wild.
[...]
The teflon was then removed, and the cage filled with bone mineral blocks, coated with bone marrow and a protein which accelerates bone growth.
The transplant was then implanted into the latissimus dorsai muscle, below the right shoulder blade.
[...]
After seven weeks of growth, the graft was removed, along with a flap of muscle containing blood vessels.
It was then attached to the stumps of the patient's original lower jaw.
The transplant enabled the patient to chew again, and within four weeks he was able to eat solid foods.
Posted by fad at 6:22am
I Hate The Jazz Box
Hmmm...that dance dance for the revolution is going to have to have to peg the humdingermeter to freak out some Republicans at the convention.Capital residents opened their morning newspaper Thursday to find photos of Laurie Coleman, wife of Republican Sen. Norm Coleman of Minnesota, dressed in lingerie and a cocktail dress.She's a wannabe model/actress apparently, or actually is and is trying to up her career. Not everyone is pleased. When contacted for a statement, the Minnesota Council for Pissing and Moaning pissed and moaned.
"It sends the wrong message to young girls. She's in a position of influence, being married to a public figure. Whether one likes it or not, there's a degree of responsibility that goes with it."No one tried to contact Starwind and his Dancers of Domestic Doom to see how he plans to counter this. I hope it involves sea turtles. Or twirling*.
*Joke changed because it's too early in the morning to be mentioning felching.
Posted by fad at 6:12am
August 26th, 2004
I Am Not God
Hmmm..maybe I'll stop screening all my calls and actually answer no matter what when it rings.Mary Dhume was watching television Monday night when the phone in the next room rang. She got up to answer it, but there was no one at the other end of the line.The obvious joke/line ends the story.
Suddenly, she heard breaking glass and saw her living room wall collapse onto the chair where she'd been sitting.
A pickup truck had missed the curve on the road in front of Dhume's home and smashed into the century-old house. Dhume said she saw the driver run away as she dialed 911.
"Maybe it was God calling to tell me to get out of my living room."No, sorry. That was me. I like to call women and then hangup on them. Some call it a perversion; I call it anti-art. Instead of trying to start a conversation, I make sure they never happen.
Posted by fad at 3:28pm
Reds
That "This Land is Your Land" flash that everyone, their dog and their dog's worms saw and then asked, "Have you seen this yet?" was later threatened with a lawsuit by the group which claimed to own the rights to the song. The situation has been settled, though I've read two versions of why. One says that the song, in fact, entered the public domain in the 70s; the other is linked above and discussed here (which mentions the first reason in passing).The creators also agreed to provide a link on their Web site to the song's original lyrics and to donate 20 percent of any profits to the Woody Guthrie Foundation.So remember where your money now has to go if you donate.
"The settlement accomplished Ludlow's goals, which was to bring people back to the immediate message of Woody Guthrie," said Paul LiCalsi, an attorney for the firm.Which is that Stalin and all the murder, forced starvation, and horror of his communism were A-0k!
Posted by fad at 2:26pm
Nerds
Scientists pick their favorite sci-fi movies.Ridley Scott's Blade Runner is the favourite science fiction film of scientistsIt is also notable for having the greatest Joanna Cassidy suddenly becoming a giant, hulking stuntman scene in history.
"Blade Runner is the best movie ever [...]," said Dr StephenOk, he actually said "best movie ever made", but I like it better if he sounds like Comicbook Guy from The Simpsons. They also picked sci-fi writers.
1 Isaac AsimovOf those, I have only read one and that was Wells' "Time Machine" when I was 11 or something. I never even heard of 2 or 3. And to piss off other sci-fi fans, I've never read any Heinlein (or however you spell it) either.
2 John Wyndham
3 Fred Hoyle
4 Philip K Dick
5 HG Wells
Posted by fad at 12:53pm
I Knew It
Finally the proof!A Yemeni poet accused of crafting al-Qaida propaganda admitted he is a member of Osama bin Laden's terror network in a dramatic appearance Thursday before a U.S. military commission.Poetry == Terrorism! That explains my inability to understand a lick of it. I'm not stupid; I'm patriotic!
Posted by fad at 10:45am
Stunt Post
And now, James Carville reads a science article.Scientists at the Babraham Institute in the eastern English city of Cambridge discovered that whenDO THEY GET MONEY FROM HALLIBURTON?
that when sheep wereYEAH, NOT GONNA ANSWER THAT, HUH? BECAUSE WE KNOW THE ANSWER!
[sigh] that when sheep were isolated, showing them faces of familiar sheep helpedI'LL BET SHOWING THEM A PICTURE OF DICK CHENEY'S FACE WOULD TURN THEIR WOOL GREEN, LIKE ALL THE MONEY HE SENDS TO HALLIBURTON.
The findings released on Wednesday helps explain why many people carry photos of loved ones in their waI HAVE NO USE FOR THIS ARTICLE!
NOW I'M OFF TO TAKE ON DAN RATHER AT THE "Weird Sayings Slam" AT THE LOCAL COFFEEHOUSE. I'LL WHIP HIM FASTER THAN A HORNFROG DRIVING A '67 CHEVY ON A GEORGIA TUESDAY.
Posted by fad at 9:54am
Dibs On The Last Piece Of Bark
Paul Ehrlich was right! The great die-off is here! Plague in Colorado! It's all over, people!The woman, who lives in Weld County, was in the area in northern Larimer County Aug. 13-15 and became sick on Aug. 16., said Larimer County health department director Adrienne LeBailly. Victims usually show symptoms within two to seven days of being exposed.Enjoy that one, last sunset tonight for tomorrow we shall never know happiness again.
[...]
Symptoms of plague include fever [...check], headache [...check], weakness [...oh God, check!] and pneumonia with shortness of breath [...well, shortness of breath check], chest pain [..hmmm..no..wait, there it is. check], cough and sometimes bloody or watery saliva [if that's from chewing on your own tongue, does it count?]. It can lead to respiratory failure and shock
but the disease is treatable with antibiotics.Shit. Well, you can still run the streets tearing down society if you want to. I mean, far be it from me to crush your panic.
Posted by fad at 9:31am
Punch-o-Vision
It must be the Olympics or the impending NFL season, but I have sports on the mind, so you'll have to cope. This needs to be said: I can't stand Joe Buck as an announcer. He's just plain unpleasant. Smarmy detachment isn't my idea of a good listening experience. It's like he's trying to do a piss poor imitation of the Bob Costas of 15 years ago. Sadly, so is Costas.
Posted by fad at 8:44am
More Randoms
Random word I love to say or hear:glockenspiel
Not so random word I learned to hate with the white hot fury of white hot fury:
verbiage
Posted by fad at 6:26am
August 25th, 2004
Better Than Drunk Amazoning
Ah, drunk dialing. How well you have served humanity through the years.The phone rang at 3 a.m. Saturday morning. The caller ID displayed a friend's number, but he was out of town.I hope the rapscallion didn't get away!
[...]
It turned out a drunken burglar at the friend's house had accidentally dialed [her] number.
[She] called the cops, who asked her husband where he'd seen the man.When you're done; you're done. Let's see what this wonder was hauling away.
"We went over there and there he was, passed out in the grass," [he] said.
His backpack was full of bandages, beef jerky (search) and crackers, all apparently taken from the house.Emphasis and search link in the original. Apparently FoxNews didn't think their average reader would know what beef jerky is.
Posted by fad at 1:16pm
Cold Fusion
This has a heavy "too good to be true" element to it.An antioxidant found in blueberries and grapes appears to lower cholesterol as effectively as a commercial drug, according to preliminary study findings released Monday.Violet Beauregarde is the healthiest person in history.
[...]
Pterostilbene also appeared more effective than resveratrol, another antioxidant found in grapes and red wine, which studies have suggested may also lower cholesterol.
The blueberry compound may also do more than just lower cholesterol, Rimando said, for it appears to mimic the action of ciprofibrate, which also lowers triglycerides. Moreover, previous research has suggested that pterostilbene may protect against diabetes and help fight cancer.
Posted by fad at 11:30am
Cheesebooger
So the burger is 100 years old now. Maybe. And folks are trying to wuss it up with shit like "Ceasar Salad" burgers and cooking it to a full 160 degrees. Might as well suck on a bar of tofu and leave the beef alone if you're going to kill it full dead like that. The article does have one good bit of advice, though.Just work the meat gently.Truer advice has rarely been given.
Anyway, in honor of this anniversary, here's my list of the Top 5 Burgers I've ever had (restaurant/pub division). You'll find almost all of them come from Southern California. This is because no place on earth does burgers as well as they do there. Sure, there maybe one or two outstanders here and there, but no one tops that area as a whole.
- 1. Combo Burger -- One of the Greeks in Riverside, CA
- I forget which of the "Greeks" it was (I think it was the Mad Greek), but this burger was amazing. 1/3lb of beef with 1/4 of pastrami all topped with onion rings. I've still never had its equal.
- 2. Big Burger -- The closed as of last time I checked (1992) Burger Haus in Newport Beach, CA
- Total and complete grease bomb. Unbelievable flavor. It was a required treat after -- and one mistaken time, before -- playing basketball against a league rival whose gym was just down the street.
- 3. In 'n' Out Burger
- In 'n' Out has crept all the way to Phoenix, AZ these days, and, worse yet, the new ones include extensive indoor seating. That, my friends, is just plain wrong. Anyone you see getting a burger at In 'n' Out and then sitting inside should be beaten immediately. And their food taken and eaten out in the big blue room with the yellow ball.
- 4. Macho Burger -- Spoons, various locations mostly in Southern California
- This is on the list purely for the gluttony factor. It was a 1/2lb burger topped with a 1/4 hot dog, bacon, cheese, onions and smothered in chili. I never saw anyone over the age of 16 finish the whole thing.
- 5. Burger -- Sports Page in Chesterfield, MO
- This is the joint that is basically right next to where I live, and where I can be found most Friday nights. This burger makes the list almost entirely because this is one of the last places you can order a medium rare burger and actually get it. One friend orders his rare, and damned if it isn't still cool in the middle. Plus they'll serve real horseradish on the side if you ask for it. Sure, there are some better tasting burgers (Dick's in the Seattle area for one) that could take its place on this list, but it has to be here for respecting the beef enough to not over cook it.
Posted by fad at 9:51am
The Wall
Flipping channels last night, I hit the women's 200m final on the Olympics. I can't avoid watching the sprints, especially since they match my attention span so well. The race was close until the very, very end. The woman who won -- from the Bahamas, I believe -- cruised through the line. The woman who came in second -- from Mexico -- started struggling mightily about 10 to 15 yards from the line. It looked she hit The Wall, and it reminded me of my first real experience with The Wall. No, not the Pink Floyd album. I've never heard a whole Pink Floyd album. Or Led Zeppelin. Hell, I've never even heard a whole Beatles album. Remember, you name it, I haven't seen, heard or read it. And even if I have, I'm too stupid to have gotten anything out of it.Anyway, this goes back to when I was 13 and entered in a track meet. Looking at me now, no one would guess, but I used to be decently athletic and a pretty fast sprinter. I maxed out my allowed entries in that meet including the 200m race. I had never run a 200m, either in practice or otherwise. It was the very last race of the day for me. I'd already done heats and finals in the 75m (2nd), 100m (4th, but more importantly I beat my friend in the lane next to me for Fastest in School rights), long jumps (I, uh, sucked) and shot put (4th consecutive 5th place). It was a hot day, but, hell, I was 13. I could run all day!
Since there weren't too many signed up for it, there was only a final for the 200m. We lined up in the stagger. Having watched the Olympics most of my life, and heard mindless commentators, I knew the 200m was supposed to be a sprint. So I figured with the gun, I'd just go full bore through to the end. How hard could that be? After the turn, I was in second place just barely behind the leader. Down the stretch, I tried to make that final push, and actually took over first. Then, about 15 yards from the line, came my introduction to The Wall.
One of the first things I thought, when I could think again, was how perfectly named that experience was. It really did feel like I'd just hit a wall of some sort. And I should know becaue I used to take running starts into real ones all the time. One second, everything is working fine, the next all strength and will are completely sapped away. I ended up into 3rd. My mom told me I looked pretty funny those last few strides.
So the expression on that woman's face at the end of her race was immediately recognizable. Though far more disappointing, I'm sure, in the Olympics than some junior high track meet. But you never know. Those ribbons they gave us were pretty snazzy.
Posted by fad at 6:40am
Inner Monologue
"Man, today already sucks. Hmmm...there's a semi cruising this way in the other lane. A drift over the line would certainly solve a lot of things. Nah....that'd probably wreck his day. Not to mention the cops who'd have to come out and all the other commuters."
Posted by fad at 6:30am
August 24th, 2004
Ok, Enough of That
Alrighty, that was a nice nothing day. I need to remember to stick to my rules not to read certain sites that remind me of what a whiny, stupid hack I am. Remember: insularity is the key to happiness.Should be going full force tomorrow....if I don't slip again.
Posted by fad at 6:06pm
Be back soon, just not today.
UPDATE: Why, you ask? Because I recently discovered that, after a near 20 year absence, the word "stoked" has re-entered my vocabulary. This is a shame I cannot stand.
Posted by fad at 12:01am
August 23rd, 2004
Not To Make Too Light of a Death
The man who coined the phrase "Elvis has left the building", has, well, you know.Dvorin was killed in a car accident as he returned from an Elvis convention in California.Hard to believe that didn't start until the the 70s.
[...]
It was in the early 1970s that the star’s manager Colonel Parker asked Dvorin to inform fans after a gig that Elvis would not be appearing for an encore.
Dvorin took the stage and made his now legendary announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building. Thank you and goodnight.”
Posted by fad at 5:15pm
The Good Friday Moon Stamp
I really love reading about this astronomical forensics stuff, though it appears in a publicity hunt they are going a bit overboard this time. It still has produced some stuff that, even when just theory, is interesting.They have trudged through farms and fjords to find the places where Vincent van Gogh painted "Moonrise" and Edvard Munch came across the ghastly inspiration for "The Scream."This time they are trying to determine the exact time and situation of the first run along Marathon that most consider apocryphal. Still fun, though.
Explaining a key moment in the Civil War, they determined that Confederate Gen. Stonewall Jackson was shot by his troops because he was silhouetted by a full moon, making him unrecognizable. They pinpointed the moment — 4:14 p.m. on Dec. 28, 1960 — that Ansel Adams took a treasured photo of the moon rising over Half Dome in Yosemite Valley.
Posted by fad at 5:06pm
I Couldn't Make This Less Boring
I've never really been a fan of those pre-tax accounts that go along with some benefit packages. These set aside some of your pay in an account, then you get taxed at a lower rate based off the remaining pay. Sounds nice, but my main problems with these was a) You had to get your employer's permission to get at your money (and some places I worked refused to pre-approve anything, leaving some people pretty screwed over)*, and b) If you didn't spend it all, your money went back to your employer.Now these accounts worked that way because that's how the regulations were written. Someone is trying to get these regulations changed.
In a letter to Treasury Secretary John Snow, Senate Finance Committee Chairman Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, asked the department to determine if it can rewrite the rule on its own. He noted that several proposals have been offered in Congress that would modify or eliminate the so-called "use-it-or-lose-it" provision.Wonder if anything will come of it.
*It's entirely possible this isn't how it was supposed to be done, but I know that's how it was done.
Posted by fad at 3:33pm
The World's Memory Leak
"Study: Americans don't eat enough produce"So, wait....we're told we're 5% of the world's population, but use more than 20% of its resources, and this group wants us to use even more? Selfish, selfish fucks. They should be ashamed of themselves.
Posted by fad at 1:33pm
Abandonware
I may be too stupid to understand literature or get anything from poetry, but it still pisses me off when old prints and books get abandoned.Two Ralph Waldo Emerson collections dating to the 1860s and other out-of-print gems are among the items a team of volunteers found while salvaging thousands of books from the former East St. Louis library.I know when I think literary treasures, I don't usually think East St. Louis. However, that last part only describes its last century. About the time those Emerson collections probably drifted into its hands, it was a booming industrial area, if just for a brief time. Hopefully they can rescue most of what is left there.
About a dozen volunteers wearing face masks and brandishing flashlights sifted through rotten food, piles of trash and human waste in the dark building over the weekend. It was deserted in 2001 when the library moved to a new location, and library officials say some homeless people have since used it for shelter.
Posted by fad at 12:58pm
Desired Deletions Deleted
Woo! Already deleted the first post of the day!In other news, I got rid of the "Posts I Want To Delete" category over the weekend. At least for now. I'm considering either just not posting those things period, or posting them somewhere else completely. I know laziness will probably win out in the end, and I'll just recreate the category. But for now it's gone.
Posted by fad at 12:29pm
August 22nd, 2004
Cooking With Candidates
Since we recently read a column which explained that the Ladies Home Journal presidential candidate's wife's cookie recipe issue is the most sexist thing in the world and the proof that all women who vote Republican are gender traiters trying to return women to a world in which they are forced into kitchens, impregnated then herded into back alleys for abortions, we here at Farm Accident Digest decided it was time to break that cycle. So today we present the first ever Cooking With Candidates issue. Each candidate, both for president and vice president, has provided us with their favorite recipe. As a special bonus, we also invited Ralph Nader to provide his favorite as well. We thought about asking Michael Moore, but decided that was just too easy a joke.John Kerry's Vietnam Chili
George Bush's Marinated Steak
John Edwards' Tort Salad
Dick Cheney's Stew of Evil
Ralph Nader's For Your Good Diet
Posted by fad at 12:37pm
John Kerry's Vietnam Chili
2lbs London Broil (for searing).4tbs Chili Powder
2tbs Chipotle Chili Powder
3tbs Cumin
1tbs Garlic Powder
1 Medium Onion Chopped
1 Red Bell Pepper Chopped
8oz Tomato Sauce
10oz Chicken Broth
12oz Dark Beer (Redhook's Winterhook is best)
6oz Chopped Pickled Jalapenos
2 Chopped Chipotles
1 Can Chopped Tomatoes
When I cook, I like to wear my lucky chef's hat which was given to me in Cambodia by Wolfgang Puck who wore it when he was a spy in Germany during the Franco-Prussian War, but you can do whatever you like. First, cut the meat into half inch cubes, then heat in a pan over medium high heat until it is seared -- seared! Locate the seared -- seared! -- meat to a plate, by which I mean a large pot in a completely different location.
Cook the chopped onion and bell pepper into the pan where you seared -- seared! -- the meat until they are soft. Add to the seared -- seared! -- meat. Combine the powders and add about half to the seared -- seared! -- meat. Pour some of the beer into the pan you seared -- seared! -- the meat in and scrape up the goodies from the bottom. Dump the rest of the beer and the contents of the pan that was used to sear -- sear! -- the meat to the pot. Add the rest of the ingredients save for the reserved spices to the pot and bring to a boil. After a couple minutes of boil, turn down heat and gently simmer.
After 30 minutes stir in half of remaining spices. Simmer for another hour, then add the remaining spices. Simmer for another 30 minutes -- thinning if necessary with tomato juice -- or until the meat which was seared -- seared! -- is completely tender.
Posted by fad at 11:52am
George Bush's Marinated Steak
1 SteakLemon Juice from a Lemon
Some of that Worstisheer Sauce
Couple Cloves of Garlic
Black Pepper (You mean there's other kinds? Someone get Karl on this.)
Mix the stuff until it tastes good to you. Add to plastic freezer bag, put steak in bag, put in fridge for a couple hours. Get grill going. Put steak on grill. Go somewhere...maybe...make sure no one is sure where you are or not, but be sure someone flips that steak after 6 minutes. After another 6 minutes, be sure to be there otherwise you won't be able to eat that steak.
Posted by fad at 11:51am
John Edwards' Tort Salad
1 Head Romaine LettuceHandful of Baby Spinich
6 Large Radishes
Soy Sauce
Wasabi Powder
Mix Soy Sauce and Wasabi Powder to taste. Slice Radishes. Notice unusual amount of dirt on Radishes. Sue grocery store and the farm from which they came as a class action. Get large cash payout. Notice higher price of radishes and other items, but remember you're rich so it doesn't matter. Tell poor it's the fault of evil, rich business men. Something they can never be because poor people are stuck poor unless you're there to help them out. Either by government programs, or by cheerful suing. Remind them again the rising prices are entirely because of evil big business, and not one whit because of the increased costs from taxes or ridiculous liability from scheming lawyers.
Tear up lettuce and mix in spinich and sliced radishes. Toss with soy/wasabi dressing. Serve with a big ole grin.
Posted by fad at 11:23am
Dick Cheney's Stew of Evil
1 Fluffy Woodland Creature and/or Third World ChildOil!
Salt Substitute
Pepper
Sieze Creature/Child. Bash its bones. Stir into oil. Salt Substitute and Pepper to taste.
Posted by fad at 11:13am
Ralph Nader's For Your Good Diet
Tell everyone else they should only be allowed to eat a small salad. It's for their own good. Then go eat veal chops with truffles washed down with the finest, most expensive wine. Have someone else pick up the check.
Posted by fad at 11:09am