January 1st, 2005
Holy Shit, It's Already 2005
Happy New Year. At least, I hope it will be.
Posted by fad at 12:00am
December 30th, 2004
Damn Neocons
Dammit. And just when beef prices were starting to come down a bit as Atkins fades.Canada has found what may be a second case of mad cow disease, officials said Thursday, just a day after the United States said it planned to reopen its border to Canadian beef.Guess no steak for a while yet.
"It's a little unbelievable in terms of the timing within a few hours of the U.S. announcement," Laycraft said. "But early indications are that things will continue to move ahead."Oh, I think we all know there's no such thing as coincidence in George Bush's ameriKKKa. This was obviously purposely planted and timed.
Posted by fad at 6:27pm
Random Gilbert & Sullivan Related Post
All I know of Gilbert & Sullivan songs comes from cartoons. "Animaniacs" parodied a couple (I think both are on the CD I have, but it's, like, over there and stuff. So I won't check), but one of the first big exposures was from the end of the Sideshow Bob episode of The Simpsons from the 5th season (the (in)famous rakes episode, as just released on DVD providing the reminder). To delay Bob from killing him, Bart requests he sing the entire score from the "HMS Pinafore". Bob obliges. They play clips of various songs leading up to the big finishing lines, "He remains an English man!" with the "En" all drawn out, and the "glish" of "English" a really high note.That ending had always been a favorite amongst a couple of my friends. We found out that the college was putting on, not a production, but a version of "HMS Pinafore" with the orchestra, a chorus, and performers standing up front speaking and singing the roles, but not acting. I'm sure there's a fancy term for it, but I think you know what I mean. Since another friend played in the orchestra, we got free tickets to indulge our fascination.
The show was enjoyable, but we were giddily awaiting that big finish. Finally the time came, the chorus sang all the notes of the drawn out "En" and was on to the big, absurdly high "glish" when....they didn't sing it. Turns out that's not actually part of the show (something, I suppose, we should have assumed, but, hey, we were dumb).
Ruined the whole damn thing and sent me into a spiral of despair unmatched until two years ago when I found out that my Teddy Ruxpin was powered by batteries, not magic.
Posted by fad at 5:55pm
Random Prediction For 2005
Lenny Kravitz will release a cover of the theme from "The Jeffersons".
Posted by fad at 3:53pm
Can't Think Of A Title, Again
I was just thinking the other day that I wish more people would settle their differences with a little harmless cannibalism. The world would be a much happier place.
Posted by fad at 1:01pm
Tastes Like Itself
McDonald's is bowing to pressure from PETA.Oak Brook-based McDonald's is considering whether to require its chicken processors to use a slaughtering method that animal rights groups say is more humane.The current method involves reading old Mark Morford columns to them until their heads exploded from hearing those collections of nonsensical phrases and lametastic metaphors. The more humane method of boring them to death by reading Susan Sontag essays was deemed in bad taste at this time leading to trials of Chomsky essays as respectfully mumbled by Eddie Vedder, which have worked almost too well.
Posted by fad at 12:43pm
Replace The Media With A Computer
It's time for the every third election "the new guys are going to 'rock the boat' and try to 'buck the system' and allow journalists to use all the other lame cliches that are probably macros in their word processor by now since we hope they don't actually take time to type out these phrases they constantly use over and over everytime" story.More than an additional five GOP votes, they bring a hard-driving style and ideological focus that is at odds with the collegial culture of the Senate.In other words, "Hopefully they learn over time that Senate Republicans are supposed to have spines so weak jellyfish comment on their posture. That's just how it's always been done."
"The big question is to what extent they will maintain their House attitudes and behavior ... and the uncompromising, disputatious positions that House members are likely to take," said Ross Baker, a political scientist at Rutgers University in New Jersey.
While no senator would draw so harsh a line today, Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., came close in 1995 when he chastised two Republican colleagues and former House members for contributing to the "deterioration of the Senate" with invective and a "dangerous excess of party feeling."He then said, "I hope none of them get all uppity and start acting like white niggers. Now someone get the Robert C. Byrd pen and name some damn bridges after me before I start getting fussy."
Posted by fad at 12:21pm
I Hate Planned Communities
Right now it's just the words of a busineswoman denied a permit, but this could be my favorite reason for denying one this year.The city has denied a permit [...], and the painting has remained veiled behind a white tarp since the restaurant opened last week.Now get ready for the supposed reason given for the denial.
The mural features five pink pigs on a white concrete wall, unwilling participants in meal preparation. One is ready to be grilled as another attempts escape in a hot air balloon. The remaining three appear to be to enticing drivers to stop.
She said the city's Design Review Board, which makes recommendations about exterior changes to buildings in the district, objected to the painting because it doesn't fit the district's landscape and because naked pigs might lead to paintings of naked people.While I think the former is the main reason, these planning commissions love their power and hate anything that steps out of line with their vision, that the other reason was thrown in pushes it to wonderful ridiculousness. These groups, along with neighborhood associations/commissions and, well, anything with "commission" in it, are a great and often laughed off direct threat to property rights, progress and individuality since, in what is just an amazing twist on human nature, when given incredible power to enforce their will on others, they exploit that power to the fullest.
Posted by fad at 12:11pm
December 29th, 2004
World Shrinks, Needs Help
(Moved this to the top. Again, just consider if the option is for you.)There are many, many donation options for tsunami related relief, but one option you may consider is one close to those close to some of us.
Posted by fad at 11:38pm
Failed Suggested Movies
Inspired by a comment thread yesterday, here is a brief list of movies highly suggested to me by friends or aquaintances that ended up being crap.- Highlander
Oh, how horrible this movie is. Yes, I hear everyone tell the sequel is worse, which just gets my mind a-boggling. Just about everyone I knew since it came out talked about how awesome it was, so I finally watched it. I regret losing those hours. Even more than the hours I've lost to compulsively checking the locks on doors. - Braveheart
This was supposed to be the bestest and most awesomest movie according to people who'd seen it. I went to see it at the dollar theater in town when it showed up there. Sure, it isn't terrible, but, crimeny, passion plays have been more subtle. I'm surprised Gibson held back from having the king rape a woman wearing a big sign that read, "Your Mom" on it all while he ate from a bucket of fried baby. And the interminable length of it. I actually tried to give it another shot, at which point it went from being, "Ok, I guess" to "crap". - Footloose
This one I should have known would suck, but one of my friends was quite adamant that it was fun and actually quite good. I made it about 30 minutes, tops, before having to bail. - Quick And The Dead
This is that Sharon Stone western directed by Sam Raimi. It had Gene Hackman, Russel Crowe and Leo! in the cast. Because of the Raimi factor (and a Sharon Stone tit! (as if that was a big deal by then)), one person I knew kept going on and on about how cool it was. It wasn't. It was laughably bad for most of it. Leo!'s death scene is a prime example. I was actually angry I spent a buck seeing it. - Clerks
Yeah, it had a couple amusing conversations, and I know I'm supposed to honor it because it was made for a couple of boxtops and a Canadian nickel, but, damn, what a shitfest.
Posted by fad at 4:41pm
Ahhhhht
An interesting way to dismantle an exhibit.The MCA began its five-day "Great Pencil Pull" Tuesday, allowing art lovers to take one of the 28,000-plus pencils that make up Damasceno's "Observation Plan" in the museum's second floor lobby.Guess where the most popular area to draw pencils from is?
For a suggested $1 donation, visitors can take the embedded pencils that create silhouettes of people observing art. The 1-year-old work needs to make way for new art by next week.
"It's been one of the more popular pieces. Jose liked the idea of taking the piece down, because now each of the pencils will have a new life with someone else,"
Several guests chose their pencils randomly. A few mischievous patrons were more calculating as evident by the numerous empty holes that made up the groin area of one of the silhouettes."Hee-hee-hee! Pencil dick!"
[Two artists from] Santa Fe, N.M., each took a pencil and placed it in an area where many had been taken.Artists. Always getting in the way of progress.
"It's called 'displaced mass,'" explained [one said]. "I didn't really want a pencil, because the pencils don't have erasers. I love erasers. I collect them. The obvious thing to do is to take a pencil, but by putting it back in another hole, I'm recreating art."
Posted by fad at 1:49pm
Rammit
Coming to the parking lot outside the Shop-n-Save, the battle to settle it all between two car gladiators. Well, if they make bail.Two men in a dispute over a woman took the matter to a parking lot and battled it out, without getting out of their cars, authorities said.Who will win the fair maiden's hand? Find out this Sunday, Sunday! SUNDAY!
The two men rammed each other's cars about 12:30 p.m. Monday in a parking lot
[...]
Wells said [one man] rammed [the other's] at least three times and [that man] rammed [the first man's] at least twice.
[The first man] was driving a 1995 Chevrolet Camaro while [the other] had a 1991 Acura Integra. Deputies reported extensive damage to both cars.
[...]
The two reportedly are both interested in the same woman.
Posted by fad at 12:25pm
Damn Teases
"FDA approves synthetic drug 1,000 times stronger than morphine"Woo-hoo!
"This drug is very exciting because it's a very potent analgesic but isn't a narcotic,"Not narcotic? Horseshit!
Posted by fad at 12:13pm
December 28th, 2004
Reason Found
I constantly try to think of reasons why it might actually be good to live here in Missouri. Finally -- finally! -- the best reason of all has come to pass.Next summer, it will be legal to plunge into some Missouri rivers and grab catfish by hand - a type of fishing that is not for the faint of heart.Hogging?
Known variously as noodling or hogging, handfishing has long been a misdemeanor punishable by fines, because state officials fear it depletes breeding-age catfish.
It can also be dangerous: Noodlers hold their breath for long periods under water and sometimes come up with fistfuls of agitated snakes or snapping turtles instead of fish.Well, there'd be no damn point if I couldn't get bit by something!
Posted by fad at 3:47pm
Sad. So Sad.
Damn our alienating, consumerist society!A number of people who went grocery shopping Saturday at a Jewel supermarket in the Chicago suburb of Buffalo Grove didn't realize the store was closed for Christmas Day.So consumed with the need to, uh, consume, they couldn't even take the time to notice they were alone.
Because someone had left the front door of the supermarket unlocked, the would-be shoppers entered, got carts and started roaming the aisles before police noticed what was going on. The officers entered, told the people the store was closed and called management to come and lock the door.
Posted by fad at 3:11pm
More Family Togetherness
Well. Looks like got ourselves a theme going today.A man angry that he got no presents for Christmas burned down his parents' house early the next morning, police said.I don't even want to think about what would have happened had I not gotten any presents.
Posted by fad at 2:39pm
The Children™, I Say
Ban dancing! It's for The Children™.
Posted by fad at 2:15pm
Family Togetherness
Here's a happy family story.A 19-year-old Alexandria man faces four counts of attempted murder after allegedly firing at his family with a shotgun because he was disappointed with his Christmas gifts.Well, then it's quite understandable.
[He] wanted cash for Christmas. Instead, he got CDs.
Posted by fad at 1:46pm
Seen Outside
There is a package by the mailboxes that has remained unclaimed since before Christmas addressed simply to "Daddy".
Posted by fad at 1:30pm
For Some Reason, I Thought She Was Younger
George Bush, hater of the progressive arts, kills again. Next up: Gore Vidal.
Posted by fad at 11:55am
Science!
Way to go, science. Just what we needed.A "monster" cockroach and other new insects have been discovered in the jungles of Borneo, scientists say.Scientists also revealed that 37% of people upon reading this news came up with some lame joke about a bug they once found in their home, another 28% thought up one about Michael Moore, 14% giggled because they saw the word "cock", while the remainder wondered just what that damn smell is.
[...]
At 10cm (4in) long, the newly-discovered cockroach is believed to be the largest in the world.
Posted by fad at 10:59am
Construction Time Again
What do you know. It really was all about the OOIIIIIIILLLLL!!!Subscribing to the Scott Lindlaw school of journalism, some facts were changed to fit my preferred reality. It's called being objective, people.Albania, Bulgaria and MacedoniaThe puppet Afghanistan government, the Bush junta and Halliburton has given the go ahead for the construction of a $1.2bn oil pipeline that will pass through theBalkan peninsulacharred fields of innocents.
Posted by fad at 10:45am
December 27th, 2004
Handsome Stranger
I knew I should have gone to LA when I read of the auditions. I knew it. But now my dreams are shattered forever.In the end, the network and the mini-series' producers went all the way to Ireland to find their Elvis Presley. "Bend It Like Beckham" star Jonathan Rhys-Meyers will take the role of Presley in the four-hour miniseries, tentatively scheduled for May.Rose McGowan as Ann-Margret? Well, maybe she'll be so inspired she'll become a driving force to do a remake of "The Villain".
Rhys-Meyers, whose casting was first reported in Variety and which CBS confirmed, joins Randy Quaid ("Category 6," "Kingpin") and Rose McGowan ("Charmed") in the cast. Quaid will play Presley's manager, Col. Tom Parker, while McGowan will take on the role of Presley's "Viva Las Vegas" co-star, Ann-Margret.
Posted by fad at 5:07pm
Tours Given Between 10am And 4pm
Personally, I think he was just taking a "Farm Accident Digest" holy sites pilgrimage.Juan Rivera, 46, left his home in Juarez, Mexico, last week. He slipped into El Paso, Texas, and went to Riverside, Calif., to look for a temporary job. When he couldn't find work, he asked someone which train headed back to El Paso.When I was in Mankato, there were a few nights when I wondered just how the hell I ended up there after living in Riverside.
But the train went to the wrong city. So he got on another train, then another. Somehow he ended up in Mankato in the middle of the night,
Posted by fad at 4:03pm
Maybe Why I Only Had One Birthday Party
Kids never remember anything that happened before they were 3, anyway.
Posted by fad at 3:49pm
3 Random Things About Eggs
- Store bought deviled eggs are always nasty, usually because they are too sweet. They must be homemade and involve hotsauce.
- Speaking of which, eggs only really exist to be a vessel for hotsauce.
- Scotch Eggs are among the most evil creations ever by man.
Posted by fad at 2:57pm
Orange. I Think I'll Paint The Ceiling Orange.
I wanted to write something about what I hope works out to be good news in the Ukraine, but I can't find anything that says Jimmy Carter was there to annoint the winner with oils and receive the proper sacrifices to his sanctimony. Without that, I have to believe this never happened and is a fraud. No Jimmy; no election.
Posted by fad at 2:54pm
No Title
The death toll is now reported to be up to 23,000. A list of some places taking aid donations can be found in this post. Others, with probable overlap, here.
Posted by fad at 10:51am
December 26th, 2004
The Other Side Of Reality
We may pause for the holidays, but the world goes on. Beginning last night into this morning comes news of thousands upon thousands dead in Sri Lanka, Indonesia, India and other places. Right now the dead number anywhere from 4,500 to 6,500. It will surely climb much higher. Absolutely horrific.Also, for the sports minded, especially those who were Packer fans during the 90s, Reggie White has died this morning. Hints around some of the reporting today gave the idea that his last few years were of a rather sad and lost man. I fear what the true cause of death may have been.
Posted by fad at 11:58am